Page 68 of Darkest Deeds
“Get what?”
“That night in the basement,” I say, and he winces at the memory. “What Yuri did to me was because of you.”
“Me?”
“Before he…before he did what he did, Yuri accused me of things. He was so angry. He’d overheard our conversation the day before.”
I remember that conversation like it was yesterday. It’s burned into my memory and seared into the space that once held my heart.
“I can’t do this, Ava. It’s wrong.”
“I—I understand. It’s okay if you don’t want me.”
“Don’t want you? Ava, I want you so bad it hurts. I love you.”
“I love you too. And I’m ready. I want my first time to be with you.”
“That’s just it, pchelka, you’re not ready. You’re only sixteen, and while you’re wise beyond your years, I’m twenty-two. I won’t take advantage of you.”
“So what do we do?”
“We wait until you’re eighteen.”
“That’s two years, Niko! You have needs. You’ll fall in love with someone else and forget about me.”
“I’m yours, pchelka. I promise. But you have to make me a promise too.”
“Anything.”
“Save yourself only for me. When we finally make love, I want to know I’m the first and last man to ever have you.”
I waitfor him to say something, but he doesn’t. There’s boiling rage on his face as he connects my words with the memory.
I clear my throat and continue. “Niko, Yuri feared that once we consummated our relationship, we’d marry, and since I was the only direct bloodline to the Chernov empire, you’d inherit the throne instead of him.”
“So he raped you?” he rasps. “How did he think that’d win him any favors with Sergei?”
I open my mouth then quickly close it, turning my face away while twisting my fingers in my lap. “It made me damaged goods, Niko. It violated my promise. He thought it would disgust you and turn you against me. I guess he was right.”
His eyes turn to steel. “But it wasn’t just that.”
“No, it wasn’t. My father was behind it all, pulling the strings. He thought we were getting too close. Yuri told him what he overheard, and my father knew he had to get rid of you before I turned eighteen. Yuri’s death just provided him the perfect opportunity. He knew I’d say anything he wanted me to as long as he promised to let you leave.”
“But he didn’t.”
“I know that now.”
Niko lifts himself off me, shifting to the edge of the bed. “I left you alone for eight years to suffer at his hands. I let him turn you into a…a…”
“Whore.” The word falls from my tongue with ease for the first time as I speak the truth. “It’s okay. You can say it.”
Niko’s eyes flare. “It’s not your fault! You did what you had to do to survive. He would’ve killed you if you opened your mouth or refused him.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. We’ll never know.”
“I should’ve let you go.”
“What?”