Page 75 of Darkest Deeds
Ava
“Ava?” I hear someone call my name, but I don’t move. If I don’t move, then I’m not here. If I’m not here, then he can’t take me to the kitchen.
The shadow gets closer and closer until it sits beside me. It reaches out a hand and brushes a tear from my cheek I don’t even know is there.
“I’m so sorry about your mom, pchelka.” A hand takes mine, and instead of it being cold and angry, it’s warm. Warm and loving. The hand’s fingers curl around mine and stay there. “It was a horrible accident, but you’re not alone.”
Accident.
A shudder runs through me at the memory of his hands over her mouth. Her eyes in silent apology as they find me in the darkness.
The hand tries to pull me into a pair of arms, but I stiffen. No. No. No. I don’t want hands over my mouth too. I don’t want to sink today. The hands quickly let go, and instead, something is tucked behind my ear. I don’t know what it is, but a sweet smell of jasmine fills my nose.
The hand and I sit for what feels like hours, maybe days without sound. Finally, the hand lifts mine to a pair of lips and kisses them.
“You’ll fly someday, pchelka. You just have to believe.”
I believed,and now I’m sinking again—far away from the attic, the water rushes over me like an old friend. At first, my arms want to fight and push my way back toward the surface, but the deeper I fall, the calmer I become. This is where everything makes sense. Where nothing hurts me. Where I’ve stayed for eight years because it’s the safest place. When I don’t feel, I don’t get hurt.
“Ava?” Mikhail’s voice sounds far away, and I hear a door close. “Are you okay? You do not look so good.”
“You ever feel like you’re sinking underwater, Mikhail?” I ask, the room coming back into focus. “Like you’re constantly drowning?”
“No.”
“People always say if something you’ve been doing for a long time isn’t working, you should try doing the opposite.” I lick my lips and slowly run my fingernail along designs in the grain of the wood I’m tied to. “Know what the opposite of water is?”
“No.”
“Fire.”
“Ava, maybe you should take a nap or something. Niko should be back soon and he can help you.”
I smile. He’s afraid of me. Even zip tied to the couch leg, he’s afraid of what I’m capable of doing. Good. He should be. Even I’m afraid of me right now.
“Mikhail?”
“Yes?”
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Hold it.”
I roll my head and study his face. He’s handsome. Not as handsome as Niko, but attractive in his own way. He has kind eyes, a deep shade of blue that’s now full of bitterness. “You don’t trust me.”
“Do you blame me?”
“No, but where am I going to go? I’m all tied up, and I highly doubt you’re going to fall asleep again. I don’t want to run from Niko, Mikhail. I love him. All I want to do is help him.”
“I wish I could believe you, Ava.”
“Believe me or not, but if you don’t let me go to the bathroom, you’ll be the one cleaning up piss stains all over your own floor.” I curl into a little ball and hold my stomach with my free hand.
He lets out a frustrated groan. “Do you swear you will not try to run like last time?”
I open one eye. “I promise I won’t try to run like last time.”
“Fine.” Mikhail disappears into the kitchen, appearing moments later with a pair of scissors. I hold my breath as he cuts through the zip tie, freeing my hands. Rubbing my wrist, I crawl to my feet and turn to walk toward the bathroom when he grabs my upper arm.