Page 46 of Fear of Flying

“So, what was your mom going on about?” Though it was just a murmur, the volume of his voice was jarring after the silence. And until Zach shifted slightly, he realized he hadn’t even checked to see if Zach was still awake.

“Hmm?” Zach hummed sleepily.

“Sorry”—Drew let out a self-conscious huff and lowered his voice to a whisper—“I was wondering why your mom full-named you earlier. But it’s not—it’s not important. You go to sleep.”

Drew could feel Zach’s smile against his chest, but then he groaned a little as he gave Drew a gentle squeeze. “God, she wanted to know if you were coming to brunch this weekend.”

“Oh. Oh, I—”

Zach interrupted with a light, sleepy laugh and another squeeze. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I can stall her until next month.” His words were slow and quiet, and Drew was pretty sure Zach was only seconds away from sleep.

Drew felt guiltily grateful for it, though, because he was still unsure what his response would have been. He focused on the soft sound of Zach’s breathing as it grew deeper with each rise and fall of his chest. Though thinking about it kind of terrified him, Drew tried to imagine brunch with Zach’s family. He tried to imagine what it would be like, walking hand in hand with Zach into his parents’ backyard. If they were anything like Zach, there would be smiles and laughter and just—

His heart clenched, and he had to screw his eyes shut.

Drew wasn’t sure how to process any of the emotions or thoughts or feelings assaulting him, and he also felt that ripple of fear in his spine, now drawing taut and threatening to snap. He forced himself to take deep breaths, and he attempted to focus on the weight and warmth of the man in his arms. He tried for a moment to match Zach’s slow, rhythmic breathing, hoping to calm himself. But it only left him gasping for air as his body demanded a longer, deeper breath.

God, he didn’t want to wake Zach, but he just wanted—needed—to see his face.

Drew shifted slightly toward the nightstand, doing his best not to move too much, and grabbed hold of his phone. One-handed, he worked his fingers into the hand strap so he wouldn’t drop the phone and then swept his thumb on the screen to unlock it. The camera app took an agonizingly long second to open, and as Drew raised his arm a short distance above him, his heart started racing again.

He thumbed the screen to flip it to selfie mode, and when he saw the image of him and Zach on the display, he inhaled sharply, his heart stuttering. He’d had some sort of idea in his head what they looked like together, but the reality of it, the beauty of it—well, the beauty of it was Zach.

Zach and his peaceful face and dark eyelashes and the lock of hair that had fallen over his brow. And the way his mouth was just slightly open and the way his cheek was kinda smooshed against Drew’s chest.

It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Drew caught sight of his own face, his expression still showing hints of stress in the creases of his own brow. He closed his eyes and turned to press a kiss to Zach’s forehead, his brow creasing further, and he lingered there for a long moment, until his arm started tingling, reminding him it was still thrust in the air above them. He pressed another kiss to Zach’s brow, and on impulse, he snapped a picture in the same instant.

He wanted to remember this. Remind himself of this. He wanted to show Zach and have Zach whine about how ridiculous his sleep-face was, and all the while, he’d be secretly pleased by the fact that Drew had needed a picture.

Drew stared at his own face again, and he couldn’t get over how happy, how joyful, how carefree, how in love he looked. He smiled softly as his heart squeezed, then tilted his head until his temple was resting against the top of Zach’s head. And he snapped another picture, capturing the moment of perfection and everything he thought he’d never have.

Drew’s arm was almost numb with sleep, so he let it drop back to his side and rest atop the comforter. He closed his eyes once more to let the hum and tingle of the moment wash over him, and his next thought hit him with ferocity.

He wanted this.

He wanted to go to sleep like this every night and wake up like this every morning. And he wanted to feel this free, this loved all the time. God, he wanted it so badly his heart clenched, causing a deep ache that was part want and part grief because... because he wasn’t sure he could have this.

But dammit, he wanted this.

That tingle of fear still threatened at the base of his spine, but Drew shoved it away forcefully and went back to imagining what it would be like going to brunch at Zach’s parents’ house. To walk in, be greeted with open arms. Given what he’d overheard, he had to assume Zach’s mom and dad would be over the moon to meet Drew. They’d have mimosas, and Drew would laugh and gently admonish Zach’s mom for not making her only son his favorite food once a month. And they’d talk about life and love and the weather and... the future.

A future in which he and Zach were together.

His breath caught in his chest. It was surreal. Unreal.

Except for the very real man in his arms and the very real thirty-six hours or so they’d spent together. And the very real way he had already fallen in love with him. Irrevocably, hopelessly in love.

He let his breath out slowly. Everything seemed too magical and fantastical to have been real, but he was a hundred percent sure he wasn’t hallucinating. So it had to be real.

It had to be real. And it could be real, this future.

Right?

Oh god. He almost laughed with relief. It’d been forever since he’d been hopeful about his future, and never once had that hopeful future included someone to love. Drew tightened his arm gently around Zach for just a moment and pressed another kiss to his forehead.

An almost silly amount of hope bloomed in his chest as his mind took off at a run. What should they do? Where would they live? Zach couldn’t move, not with the successful nonprofit he’d helped build from the ground up—and Drew wouldn’t ask that of him. So maybe that meant Drew would move to Albuquerque to be closer to Zach. And that was better. Better than Texas, right? Even better than Dallas, where it was supposed to be a bit more blue and a bit more inclusive.