Page 29 of The Artist's Rival
“Look, we’re both adults. I like you—” she looks at Tatiana, nervous, her thoughts melting into a little puddle. “I like you a lot, even though we argue often. And I think—” she inhales deeply, “I think I would like us to be together.”
Tatiana looks up at her for the first time since Ellie started speaking, her expression quite indiscernible.
“If you don’t feel the same way,” Ellie continues, “then I suggest we stop seeing each other in this… manner and continue only as friends.”
She finishes the sentence and awaits Tatiana’s response, her chest tightening and breathing shallow. Regardless of the outcome of the conversation, she’s incredibly proud of herself for getting it all out and not allowing herself to drift away from the subject.
Tatiana nods and takes another sip of wine.
“Thank you for saying that,” she smiles, “I would like to be with you, too.”
She looks down at her hands, visibly thinking of what to say next.
“I think I was afraid that for you it was all just too casual, so I preferred to pretend it was the same for me.” She puts her hand across the table, touching Ellie’s tenderly.
“I’m glad it was not that,” she concludes.
The now-official couple finish their meals, talking at length about the paintings they still need to work on. Ellie remembers about the Italian house, growing slightly less talkative. She doesn’t want to damage Tatiana’s vision, especially because she gave the sketch away freely, but she also doesn’t feel right about letting it go entirely.
“Listen, about the house,” she finally begins. “Are you sure you want to make it in a cool palette? It’s such a sunny view,” she sighs.
“Ellie.” Tatiana knits her brows together. “We decided that I can paint it. That means I can do it whatever way I want. There was no indication of a color scheme in the sketch,” she softens her statement slightly.
“I know; it’s just so personal,” Ellie looks away.
“But that’s why it’s so good,” Tatiana says. “You really captured that building. And I know what I’m doing, painting it this way and not another.”
Ellie bites her lip. “Can’t you keep the tones warm? It’s not such a big alteration,” she asks, softly. “Just a warm, fuzzy touch of the sun.”
Tatiana shakes her head, seemingly feeling uncomfortable.
“Alright, Ellie. I’ll make it warm and sunny, your Italian house.” She puts on a smile, stroking Ellie’s hand.
They split the bill and finish their wine, giddy about their budding relationship. Ellie feels the stones that built up in relation to Tatiana chipped away and crumbled, leaving only the familiar path of falling in love ahead. She feels indescribable warmth, imagining everything they get to do together now, how much simpler their relations will become.
They begin getting up, picking up their coats and purses. Ellie confidently takes Tatiana’s hand, and swiftly kisses her lips, beaming with joy.
“Should we go back to my place?” she suggests, realizing that Tatiana has never actually seen her house. They slept with each other so many times in her studio, that she conflated the two in her mind.
“Sure… it’s just that I have my own car.” Tatiana points to it, waiting obediently in the parking lot. “But I can follow you!” She kisses Ellie’s cheek sweetly.
They get inside the cars, each on her own, quite entertained by the situation. Ellie drives out of the parking lot, seeing Tatiana driving in the rear-view mirror. She’s glad to be driving first and observing, glad to be leading the way, the same way she often finds herself leading the way within her relationships. She thinks back to her last relationship, the way Margaret accused her of wanting to dominate everything in their lives. Those words hurt Ellie deeply at the time, and like a little scar she’s been carrying them around ever since, careful to watch herself for any signs that would prove Margaret right. Their relationship died screaming and crying, with many arguments during which both of them said regretful things, but she felt that one sting particularly because she knows a part of it is true. There is a darker side to caring about the other deeply and wanting to arrange everything the best way. She shrugs the unpleasant thoughts away, looking once more to Tatiana, glad to know that she worked on herself and knows better.
11
TATIANA
The sky rolls out its baby blue fabric above, while Tatiana delights in the fresh strawberries she and Ellie brought to the park. Her fingers feel sticky, and she licks them thoroughly before sweetening them once more with the fruits. Children laugh, playing somewhere in the distance, setting up a pleasant, summer-appropriate mood. Tatiana, to celebrate having finished yet another painting in their series, decided to take Ellie out for a picnic in the nearby park, spread widely in the west part of the city.
“As I was saying,” Ellie gets back to her point, “nature in this city is miserable.”
Tatiana laughs, looking around. Above their heads trees spread out their rich branches in mazes of leaves, rustling gently with the breeze. The grass spreads out its vibrant green carpet, here and there decorated by blooming bushes. She rolls further away on the soft grass, giving Ellie a long, doubtful look.
“This?” She spreads her arms out, pointing to the abundant nature of the park. “This is miserable to you?”
Ellie shakes her head, apparently unable to convey to Tatiana the richness she experienced growing up close to deep woods. Tatiana looks at her, enchanted by the sensitivity towards her hometown. To a big city person who never really thought of moving away, such a drastic change seemed impressive.
“You’ll need to take me sometime, you know,” she suggests. “Maybe then I’ll understand.”