Page 35 of The Artist's Rival
Overall, Tatiana gathers positive feedback, and leaves the gathering to their own devices. She realizes that she’s cruising and decides that the only way to stop the useless floating around is to finally have a conversation with Ellie. Otherwise, she will spend the whole evening dabbling in the weird mixture of craving to see her and avoiding it at all cost; a pathetic state she wants a way out of. She takes a deep breath, and bravely seeks Ellie out in the crowd.
In her way suddenly stands Fred.
“Tatiana! I haven’t seen you in so long,” he says as they embrace warmly. “I simply adore the paintings. Will elaborate soon, for now—how have you been, for Christ’s sake?”
“Oh, you know,” Tatiana sighs, a bit ashamed of getting out of touch with him. He is the person she associates the strongest with Ellie, so talking has been difficult.
“Anyway,” Fred says, perhaps intuiting it to not be the best moment for conversation, “I’m looking for Thomas, I lost him somewhere. If you want to know, Ellie is in the corner over there.” He points to the other end of the room and winks. It’s clear that he wants to see the two back together.
Of course she’s at the other end of the room, Tatiana thinks to herself, shaking her head. Ellie can be unreasonable and infuriating, but her ever-flowing sensitivity would always bring out something soft in Tatiana. Something tender, like the kisses they shared in her brightly lit studio. She walks along the walls exhibiting the fruits of their artistic union; her ideas painted by Ellie’s hand seem so intimate and embraced, they seem complete. Even though their idea was simple, it birthed something truly beautiful, both conceptually and visually. Her eyes feast on the sight for a moment, letting the crowd roll around in the foreground.
She spots Ellie’s head from afar. Making her way towards the spectacularly dressed figure, she can feel her heart sink a bit deeper with anxiety, but she keeps on walking regardless. She’s determined to focus on her feelings and let them speak, instead of eluding them like usual. The two exchange glances, and she nods for Ellie to come over. They haven’t truly spoken to each other in three weeks, and standing face to face, the atmosphere feels tense. Tatiana clears her throat, trying not to let Ellie’s eyes distract her.
“Hey, Ellie,” she begins, “Congratulations on the exhibition.”
Ellie looks at her a little suspiciously but responds in a kind tone.
“Congratulations to you too,” she says.
They begin smirking, the corners of their mouths dancing. Tatiana can feel the warmth they recently shared rekindle almost instantly, diminishing the built-up distance between them. So strange, she thinks, the way she simply feels at home when hearing Ellie’s voice so close, no matter the circumstances. They look around the crowd, as if to find a neutral anchor to tie their conversation around.
“Lots of people here,” Tatiana adds in a casual, inviting tone. Her muscles relax, and she feels like she’s floating atop the current of their conversation, not trying to control anything, and not trying to seem artificially indifferent. She is not indifferent. She feels each word deeply.
“True. We must be pretty good painters,” Ellie says, and they giggle at the miserably bad joke. That’s the beauty, though, the way they don’t require much to make each other smile, throwing around bad jokes just to make the other laugh.
“I think you’re a pretty good painter, Ellie,” Tatiana shifts her tone towards something a little more sincere. A little more open, hinting at a willingness to actually talk. She feels relieved that their current conversation doesn’t revolve around the breakup, as if being suspended above their recent falling out.
“I…” Ellie seems to notice the shift. “Thank you, that means a lot. I mean it.”
She looks to the painting closest to them, one of Tatiana’s.
“You know… I never, ever, wanted to make you feel like a lesser artist, or a lesser person—” she smirks, remembering, “Alright, maybe the first time we met, perhaps a little bit then.”
They both share a quiet laugh, reminiscing about the dinner that set everything in motion. The way their argument sparked something between the two, perhaps being the exact reason why they feel so drawn to each other. One form of heat can birth another, it seems.
“Mhm.” Tatiana nods, eager to see where the chat takes them. She feels reassured, less by the words and more so by Ellie’s intentions. It seems she actually put effort into thinking how her actions affected Tatiana. At least that’s what Tatiana hopes to learn.
“I want you to know, that whatever happens, we might go our separate ways, or stay friends—” Ellie’s voice breaks a little, she glances at Tatiana to see whether the break was noticeable. Tatiana doesn’t betray that it was.
She feels something gluey and heavy in her chest, thinking about being friends with Ellie. Imagining that she would have to see her around and not be able to give her a quick kiss, invite her over and fall asleep entangled together in a loving mess, or take her out on dates that would turn into hours upon hours of conversations. This mud in her chest weighs her down, drowning out any words she might’ve wanted to say as a response.
“Either way,” Ellie continues, “I want you to know that I cherish you very, very deeply as a person, and I will work on myself for you no matter in what way you’ll remain in my life,” she stops before saying the unimaginable, “if you decide to remain in it at all.”
Tatiana turns her head away, afraid of crying in the middle of her exhibition, afraid that if she keeps looking at Ellie she actually might. The words touched her to the core, and now, hugging her own shoulders, she has no idea what to do with herself.
“Can you hug me?” she asks before she has the chance to think it through.
Ellie’s green eyes soften, and she takes a step towards Tatiana. Her perfume overwhelms Tatiana’s senses, reminding her of the many nights they shared, welcoming sleep in a mutual embrace. She extends her face a little and touches Ellie’s lips, only slightly, only a gentle brush.
“What are you doing, dear?” Ellie asks, looking around, nervous.
The guests assumed it only natural for the pair of artists to be emotional at the culmination point of their collaboration, and a faint drizzle of applause greets them. Ellie and Tatiana began nodding with appreciation, silently laughing to themselves about the context of the situation. They disentangle themselves from each other, exchanging looks with various friends watching, bowing a little to the journalists and art collectors.
“We just can’t stay away from each other at exhibitions, huh?” Tatiana says.
“So it seems.” Ellie shakes her head.
They spend the rest of the night conversing with the guests, telling little anecdotes about their work, and making new connections in the world of art. The lightness they both got from their conversation proved very useful during the exhibition. For both, the event will necessarily bring much publicity in the upcoming weeks, further accelerating their careers, offering a string of exciting opportunities. Tatiana feels on top of the world, from time to time turning her head to discreetly watch Ellie. She feels every handshake of Ellie’s, and every smile, with a deep sense of untamed affection. A sea of longing to reunite waves about her head, a thing she has no idea how to deal with later, once they part, once they go back to their single lives. She simply allows herself to feel everything tonight, to get carried by her feelings and see where they take her. Taming them, she realizes, will only make her bitter and unpleasant to be around. Taming them will only prove full of strain.