Page 90 of His Vicious Vow

“Actually it was. She was dead. I was still alive and I needed you. I almost died, they were worried I would die. The nurses said it, the doctors said it. You didn’t even call me. Then you finally show up for a maybe hour long visit on the fourth day. After that you left me for another five fucking days without visiting me until I was discharged. I was five years old for fucks sake.” Anger grows in me.

“Don’t talk to your mother like that. She was grieving.” Carlo frowns.

I shoot him a glare. Turning my eyes back to my mother, I study her. “As awful as those two weeks were, you made it worse year after. What was the name of my kindergarten teacher?”

Her eyes come up in confusion. “What?”

I repeat the question slowly. “What was the name of my kindergarten teacher?”

She shakes her head.

“How about my third grade teacher?”

Her hand runs over her face. She looks to Carlo. I laugh when he shakes his head.

“What was the name of the cat Celia took in while she was alone when I was in the hospital?” I ask one last question that I know she can’t answer.

“Carina, why are you still holding—”

I squeeze Sandro’s hand. “You were right. She can’t be a mother because she never was, because she didn’t want to be.”

“Your grandmother—” Carlo is harsh.

“Exactly.” I speak to him for the first time in eighteen years. He’s stunned. “Nonna was the only person who took care of us. Not you, not Cassandra. Do you even know where we were the night Nonna died? Or the night after that or the night of her funeral?”

They look to each other.

“You don’t. Because you didn’t care. We spent the night she died with Tony Sabatini. He cared. The moment he heard about her death he came to check on us. We stayed with him until the night after her funeral when you told us we had to go to school the next day.”

Both are clearly shocked.

“You want me to let go of the past. I have. The same way you let go of us. For years we waited for you to be the mother we longed for. But you never did. You both are strangers to me. And you’ll stay that way to Rose.” I stand. “Leave.”

Sandro stands, holding my hand tight. “You heard my wife.”

Neither speak, my mother gives me a last pleading look. I shake my head. “Leave.”

Sighing, she stands and walks away.

Carlo pushes up heavily. “You’re breaking her heart. Wait until your daughter is your age, you’ll find out how hard it is.”

I shake my head. “The difference is while I believe my relationship with Sandro should come first, there are times when our children must come before us. We both are aware of it and we agree. They had no choice to be here and deserve as much love and attention as we can give them. All these years you’ve wanted it to only be the two of you. Now it is.”

His mouth opens then closes. Shaking his head, he walks away.

I’m able to keep it together until I hear the elevator doors close behind him. The moment it’s safe I break down. Sandro pulls me into his lap, holding me close, letting me cry.

Finally, I’m down to sniffles. He cleans me up with gentle hands. “I’m sorry, piccolina.”

I shake my head. “I’m not. If she had…it feels too late. She wasn’t even willing to put herself before Carlo. It was always about him. He doesn’t have it in him to care more about anyone but himself. For him to always be in the background would be more stressful than it was worth.” I finally ask the question I meant to ask yesterday. “When did you buy your house in Switzerland?”

One side of his beautiful mouth goes up. “The second day I spent trailing behind you in Florence. You were having the pizza that wasn’t as good as you hoped it would be. Yet you had your face tilted up to the sun so happy and content. Not once had I seen you so happy, I wanted to see that way every day of your life. If you weren’t willing to come back with me to Vegas, we would have gone there.”

Tears sting my eyes all over again. “All this time wasted.”

Catching my hair in his hand he shakes his head. “No, not a second was wasted. Not everything is perfect, we had to figure us out. How you and me become us. Now that we get it, we’ll be more prepared for next year and all the ones that come after.”

“I guess I always thought, you meet the perfect person and it all comes together and it’s happily ever after. But it isn’t…like with my mom. The storybook ending is having the mother I always wanted…but things don’t always work out the way we wish they would. I have you and there is no better ending for me than you.”