Page 23 of Matteo

“I didn’t love him.” I’m waiting to see disgust in Matteo’s eyes. Or at least judgment, except there’s none. “I wanted to. After he told me he did, I said it. Kind of like if I said it then it would make it true. Any day, I told myself, it will happen. Only it never did.”

“You aren’t the first person to think the same thing. It’s probably more common than people actually being in love. And sometimes, it does grow into love. Sometimes it doesn’t. Whether it does or not, it’s bullshit to hurt a person because they figure out there isn’t love there.”

Running a hand over Layla’s head, I fight tears at his gentle assurance. Am I telling him all of this for him to understand it didn’t start with Danny hitting me? It felt like any normal couple I saw around me… That’s not true. I saw better relationships. I just didn’t think I deserved what they had.

“As soon as I got my associate’s degree and started interviewing for a new job, Danny told me we were moving to Waco. There was a position I was perfect for, and I was positive they were going to hire me. They even assured me they had no problem with my dyslexia—another person who worked there had it, too. So, there were already things in place to accommodate me. Except they never called me back. He said it was a sign to move. He’d get a better job, so I wouldn’t have to work at all since he was ready for a baby.”

Matteo shakes his head. “He was making you dependent on him. With you in a new city, you would feel like you couldn’t go back. That you had to make it work. You also didn’t have friends or support there to help you see how bad things were.”

My stomach twists at how stupid I was for being happy I didn’t have to work. Hearing Matteo say it, I can finally see how right he is. Not working kept me trapped. “I didn’t see it then. I wish I had. Instead, I agreed with him that my job would be staying home with our kids. Three months later, I was pregnant. We got married, so his insurance would cover me and the baby. I was sad it was only a courthouse ceremony.”

I’m embarrassed to admit how sad I was. It was silly to be sad. I should have simply been happy I was getting married.

“Everything changed when we found out I was having a girl. He didn’t hide his disappointment. Instead, he made me promise the next one would be a boy—as if I had control over that. He got meaner and stopped saying he was joking. Then he slapped me. Immediately, he apologized on his knees. He’d gotten hurt and was drinking and on pain pills. I convinced myself it wasn’t him.” Closing my eyes, I fight back the tears. “I’m so dumb. I should have left then.”

Suddenly, Matteo is beside me. He takes my hand, and the sharp zing of electricity running through me sends my eyes up to his.

“You weren’t dumb. Men like him are looking for sweet, kind, women like you to accept them the way they are. They don’t want to change for the better—the way you deserve. He didn’t start by thinking he was going to hit you. There was no plan for that. But deep down, he resented you. You didn’t want him or need him. So he contorted himself and you until you did. Until you were afraid, he would leave you. Once you needed him, he won.”

“He resented me from the beginning? Why move me in with him or be excited about me being pregnant?” It doesn’t make sense.

“We all want to be needed, to be cared for, to be loved. When you met him, you didn’t need any of it. He resented you for not wanting any of those things from him—he had to work to get you. In his eyes, it meant you had more power in the relationship. Once he had you, you were a trophy he won. Until things got real with the pregnancy and miscarriage. At his age, he probably figured, why not be with you? Until you didn’t give him what he wanted. Then he began to resent you again.”

Oh my god, I see everything from the beginning with new eyes. “I was so stupid to fall for all of his bullshit.”

“No, you weren’t. It’s not on you for taking him at face value. He’s the one who lied and manipulated you. Men like him go after younger women because they’ve experienced less heartache, dealt with fewer assholes, so it’s easier to get what they want from you. If you had agreed to jump into something with him, he would have used you for a few weeks or months and moved on to the next woman.”

I shake my head. “I think deep down I knew he would move on if I gave in. It’s the reason why I was so resistant to getting involved with him. I didn’t believe he wanted the same thing I did—a relationship. But you’re giving me attributes I don’t know if I can live up to.”

That exhale laugh thing. “I’m calling it as I see it. Hopefully, in time, you’ll see it for yourself. Thank you for telling me about what you endured. You didn’t have to.”

“You need to know who you have living in your home.”

His sigh is heavy. “Thank you. And I have to tell you in full disclosure that I had you investigated… Because I needed to know who I had in my home.”

It doesn’t really surprise me, especially with the whole billionaire thing. It also doesn’t bother me. “You are crazy bringing home some woman and her baby. What if you woke up to all your stuff gone?”

“Since it’s not my stuff, I’m not attached to anything. Even if it was all mine, I wouldn’t mind. Because I know you would be doing it for Layla, not you. You can have anything for Layla. She deserves the world. So do you. You just don’t believe it yet.” He squeezes my hand gently before letting me go.

The moment he lets me go, I long for his touch again. I shake my head. “You are crazy.”

I say the words to him, but also to myself. Stop wanting what you can’t have. It will hurt so much worse when it’s all over.

“Maybe.” The words don’t offend him. “I’m starting therapy tomorrow. I have to admit I’m not looking forward to it.” Standing, he smiles down at me. “How about some dinner? I’m getting hungry.”

CHAPTER 8

Matteo

I walk away from her. Because if I don’t, I’ll take her into my arms. She’s not ready for that. The last thing in the world I want to do is move too fast for her.

She follows me into the kitchen with Layla on her hip.

“Let me see what all my mom bought. She made sure to get most of the food options we only need to warm up, although there are a few things we need to cook. No, you sit.” I order her as I try to focus on the inside of the refrigerator. Instead of the way her shirt is pulled tightly over her breasts by having Layla on her hip.

“I feel like that’s my job.” She sighs.

I shake my head. “Not until you’re recovered. Let’s give it a few more days. Okay, our options for food we only need to warm up are chicken fettuccine, chicken and cheese green chili enchiladas, salmon with rice, and the last thing is meatloaf with mashed potatoes and green beans. The stuff to cook is pot roast with baby potatoes and carrots, stuffed peppers, stuffed flounder, and stuffed chicken, so basically stuffed things. What sounds good to you?”