Page 78 of Vicious Temptation
“That’s honestly impressive. I tried to bake bread once, and it failed massively.”
“You could come over, and Agnes could teach you. She can teach anyone how to bake.”
Clara grins. “Well, Bella will have to talk to your dad about it. But maybe.” She raises an eyebrow at me, and I try not to blush. The sentence sounds so much more intimate than just a nanny and her employer, like Gabriel and I are really together—but maybe I’m reading too much into it.
“I’ll mention it,” I promise, getting out the rest of lunch, as Danny gets out his action figures and Cecelia sits her doll down primly next to us.
We have lunch—the four of us, Lola, Batman, and Wolverine—and it’s more fun than I could have ever imagined having a picnic with children could be. Danny begs me to slice one of the olives into six pieces so he can spear them on Wolverine’s claws, walking the action figure back and forth and ‘feeding’ pieces of olive to the other toys. Clara and I are both laughing by the time he’s done, and she leans back on the blanket as Cecelia gets up to go pick flowers, and Danny runs after her.
I watch them as I pack up the lunch, making sure they don’t run too far. “Well?” Clara asks expectantly, and I bite my lip.
“I told you about my psychiatrist’s suggestion. About the swimming.”
Clara nods.
“I decided to do it last night.”
“That was fast.” Clara laughs. “I get it, though. Like ripping off a bandaid.”
“I just couldn’t sleep. I was nervous about taking the pills again, and had a lot going through my head, and I just thought—maybe it was time. Maybe I should try. So I did, but I didn’t count on Gabriel being up and about and seeing me outside.”
Clara sits up a little straighter, her eyes widening. “He saw you?”
I nod. “I don’t blame him coming out there,” I add quickly. “He wasn’t trying to be a creep or anything. He just saw someone walking outside and decided to investigate. And then he saw it was me out by the pool, and?—”
“He probably couldn’t take his eyes off of you,” Clara says frankly. “What?” she adds, seeing my startled look. “I’ve seen what you look like, the way you used to dress. You’re fucking gorgeous, Bel. Any man seeing you in a bikini would have a hard time picking his jaw up off of the ground.”
“Well—” I chew at my lip. “I invited him to come swim with me.”
“Oh my god.” Clara sits up all the way, clearly fully invested now. “Did he kiss you? Skip straight to the good part.”
“Not—exactly. He wanted to. But I flinched, and he—” I lick my lips nervously. “He’s a good guy, Clara. He didn’t want to push it. So he asked me if he could try something else.”
“And—”
I wince. “You’re going to make me tell you everything, aren’t you?”
Clara shrugged. “No. You obviously don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But obviously, something happened. Wouldn’t it feel good to talk about it?”
I let out a slow breath. She’s not wrong. I went for months hiding what happened to me from her, afraid to tell her the truth, and once I got it all out, I felt so much better. “He asked me to lie down. And then—he described everything he would do to me. While I—” I feel my cheeks flush hot. “While I did it to myself.”
Clara’s eyes are so round that I think they might pop out. She lets out a low whistle. “Oh my god, Bel. That’s really hot.”
I swallow hard, nodding. “It was.”
“And that’s it?”
I laugh, tossing a plastic cup at her. “That’s it? That was the most insane thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t even think it was possible. But no. We talked about it this morning, and?—”
I explain to her what I’d proposed to Gabriel, and Clara’s eyes widen, if that’s even possible.
“Exposure therapy by an incredibly hot man.” She laughs. “That’s one way to do it.” She hesitates. “And he said yes?”
“He kissed me this morning.” My voice goes soft, and I touch my mouth, all of me heating up at the memory. “And I—touched him. Until he—finished. That’s as far as we got.”
Clara takes a deep breath. “Wow.”
I frown at her, pressing my lips together. “There’s something you want to say, and you’re not saying it.”