Page 34 of Echoes of Eternity
“Didn’t like about who?” Veronica inquired as she stepped out onto the patio in the back yard.
Turning, Ryan saw his mother make her way over to a chair on the patio. He felt a softness toward her in his soul. “Nobody, Mother.”
Jason laughed and said, “We’re just talking about how Dad wasn’t perfect.”
Ryan could see a flicker of worry in his mother’s eyes. He had to follow it up with something to make her at ease about the conversation. “No specifics, just chatting.”
“Why don’t you all just focus on your own lives? How about that?”
“Right.” Jason handed his darts to his brother and went over to sit with his mother and catch up on her trip to Buffalo.
After Jason and Chloe had gone home that evening, Emily started on dishes. She was upset about her and Ryan’s conversation earlier in the bedroom. He was mean, rude, and unkind. Then, he walked out into the kitchen and had dinner and hung out with his brother like it all had never happened. Hearing him come in from helping Jason out to the car, her heart jumped at the sound of the slider shutting hard.
He walked up to her in the kitchen. “We need to talk to our daughter.”
“Why don’t you relax and we can talk to her a different time, Ryan?”
“Who do you think you are?” He scoffed and shook his head. “You’re supposed to be a helpmate and you’re acting like a control-mate instead.”
“What was all that talk earlier about sensing God and your decision being right? One second, you’re calm and collected, acting as if you’re an oracle of God, the next moment you’re ready to fly off the handle.”
He relaxed in his demeanor. “I don’t know . . . my emotions just feel so intense about Elizabeth and this situation.”
“It’s redirected grief.” Veronica walked into the room, interrupting the two of them. “Sorry to butt in. It’s your family and your life, but you two must realize that grief is crazy and unpredictable. It shows up in a variety of flavors and it comes out in other areas of life.”
Ryan’s eyes welled with tears, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. I just feel so uncomfortable.”
Coming closer to him, Emily wrapped her arms around him.
“I’ll leave now.” Veronica exited, heading down the hallway to her room.
Maneuvering out of her embrace, Ryan held a look of vulnerability in his eyes. “I need to go be alone.”
“Okay.”
After an hour or so of doing chores around the house, Emily decided to go find Ryan. She looked in the back yard, but he wasn’t there. She checked his study, the living room, and their bedroom. There was no sign of him.
Taking her car keys, she went out the front door. Almost to the car, she heard a sound from around the corner of the house.
Placing her keys into her purse, she walked around the side of the house to find him sprawled out in the grass, face pointed upward at the starry night sky.
Approaching cautiously, she came closer. She saw his eyes open and tears streaming down the sides of his face.
“What is wrong with me, Emily?” He shook his head, and his lips formed a frown. “I don’t like who I am anymore. I’m so angry, so upset . . . all the time.”
Lying down next to him in the grass, she grabbed his hand as she leaned her head against his shoulder and joined him in gazing upward. The stars twinkled and danced across the evening sky, reminding her that God was over her life, over her family, over everything. Ryan gave her hand a squeeze.
“With the whole Linda thing . . .”
“Yeah?”
“I just feel like I need to take care of my dad’s daughter. I don’t know why. It just seems right, like I said earlier.”
She turned her head, meeting him face-to-face. “Just because something seems right, doesn’t mean it is right.”
“Maybe . . .” He looked again at the stars. “How do I decide what to do when I don’t have the option of calling my dad for advice?”
Silence lingered as the seconds turned to minutes. Then, Emily spoke. “You go to the One who you’ll never lose.”