Page 124 of Chasing Home
“Are you going to say no?”
She has to, right? He’s a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve a minute of her time, let alone as many as it would take to settle her curiosity.
Her pause in answer has my throat constricting. Staring at her, I search her face for anything that’ll give away her decision, but she’s a steel wall. The sight of her mask after weeks without it is enough to make me want to vomit.
“I don’t know if I’m going to say no,” she admits, her voice almost too quiet to hear, even in the silence.
“Why not? Did he do something worthy of your forgiveness?”
“No. But he’s offering me what I wanted in the first place. The answers he has for me is why I left my life in Calgary and came to Cherry Peak. I’d be an idiot to turn away this chance.”
I try to understand where she’s coming from, nodding along with her words. She’d be okay here in Cherry Peak, with all of us at her back in case he stepped out of line. I’ll tie him to the back leg of a bull and let it take him for a ride through the field if he hurts her.
“Okay, so how long is he planning on staying?”
She doesn’t reply right away. Seconds tick by as I wait, my pulse thundering in my ears.
“He isn’t staying here. He flies back to Toronto in two days, and he wants me to go with him.”
I stop breathing. “Go with him?”
“Yes. Both me and Wanda. We’d stay for a couple of weeks.”
With a weak inhale, I turn my head straight forward, unable to keep staring at her. “You want to leave?”
“No. I want to stay. But it isn’t that simple. Not for me.”
“Why not?” I ask, jolting to my feet. Rejection throttles me, hurt following close behind. Maybe it’s selfish of me to be upset, but that doesn’t make it easier not to be. “You don’t need this guy. Are you really going to leave this place and everyone here for him?”
Are you going to leave me for him?
She twists to stare up at me, the first crack appearing in her armour when she frowns. “I’m not going forever.”
“So you can guarantee that once you know everything you need to and have that closure, that you’re going to come back for good? You said you came here for answers, so what happens once you have them? Will you leave again?”
She pushes to her feet and takes a step toward me before stopping herself from coming closer. “You have to think about this from my perspective. I just met the other half of my DNA after thirty years of not knowing him. It’s not as simple as just accepting he’s an asshole and moving on with a fuck you to my curiosity. I can’t help but want to know him. He’s supposed to be my family.”
“Then just tell me you’ll leave Toronto after you’re finished there and come back to me. If you come back, then I’ll wait for you. I’ll hate it while you’re gone—we both know I’m too goddamn needy when it comes to you to be happy with you gone—but I’ll suck it up. If you choose this place and you choose me, then nothing else matters.”
She looks away from me. “So if I decide to stay in Toronto, then what?”
I reel backward, a fist lodging itself in my chest. “Stay in Toronto?”
“I grew to love this place. What if I grow to love it there? I don’t know if I’ll want to live there forever, but maybe I’ll want to stay for a few months.”
Licking my lips, I shake my head angrily and take a single step toward her. “You’re trying to push me away so you can make this decision easier for yourself, but I won’t let you. We both know you won’t stay in Toronto. You grew to love Cherry Peak, yes. But you falling in love with me had something to do with that. Admit it.”
“He’s my family, Johnny,” she says, her eyes stormy, scared.
“I’m your family!” I shout, my chest huffing. “Eliza and Wade and Anna and Poppy and Bryce are your family. James and Bernice are your family. Your mom is your family. Riley Rose is just a man who was in love with your mother decades ago and who treated you like you were nothing when you went to him. We would never do that to you. I could never toss you away like you were nothing.”
I take my hat off and tap it against my thigh while running my fingers through my hair. That air feels hotter than it is, my skin damp. “Blood and DNA aren’t everything. Sometimes it isn’t enough. You’ve found another family here full of people who chose to be in your life without obligation. Isn’t that worth more?”
She flinches, the remnants of her mask crumbling. The devastation and helplessness that fill her eyes nearly strikes me down at the knees.
“You’re right. But I need this. I can’t explain why, but I do, and I hate it! I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this, but all I know is that there’s something inside of me that’s unsettled. It’s like a piece is missing. It could be Riley or a million other things, but I don’t know!”
“I want you to find that piece, Aurora,” I tell her, defeat dripping from every word.