Page 126 of Chasing Home
“I’m leaving tomorrow. Just for a little while. I know I’ll be leaving you in a tight spot again after the chance you offered me, so I’ll be doing everything I can to work remotely on all the tasks I can do. You won’t be abandoned again,” I promise, having used some of the long hours this morning to plan out how I’ll work in Toronto. “I can do ninety-nine percent of the same work there. But I do understand if you want to replace me with someone else because of this.”
“Slow down. Tell me why you’re leaving first,” she says, rubbing my wrist soothingly.
I’m almost embarrassed to tell her why, and that’s all wrong. “Lee’s in town. He asked me and Wanda to go back to Toronto with him. It’s supposed to be a bonding experience.”
“Oh,” Eliza says, rolling her lips and blinking in surprise. “That’s a sudden development.”
“I know.”
“And you chose to go? He didn’t force you to say yes? Because I have no problem sending the boys after him.”
“No, he didn’t force me. I want to go. It’s a good chance to get what I’ve been wanting.”
“It’s certainly a change of heart. Did he explain why that happened?”
“No. I’d assume it’s guilt, though.”
She nods. “There’s nothing like the lingering weight of a heavy conscience to change a man’s mind.”
“If this is my only chance, then the reasons behind his actions don’t matter. I just want closure. I need it.”
“And is the only way you can get closure through leaving, Rory? Or is there another way? I don’t want you to leave, honey. And that’s me being both honest and selfish. I’m too old not to be both.”
I wring my hands in my lap and look around the house for any sign of Johnny. If I see him now, I don’t trust what I’d do. He can’t be anywhere near me right now.
I almost changed my mind once last night, with his hands on my face and his honest declarations swirling around my soul. I’m not strong enough to do it again.
“If there was another way, I wouldn’t contemplate this one,” I say.
She hums again, rocking her chair. “What is it you want more than anything, Aurora?”
“Right now?”
“No, not just now. What do you want for your future? What is it that you want from life?”
My mind goes blank. Tugging in my brows, I part my lips before closing them again.
“I asked myself that question a million times before I had an answer. But once I had it, it made every decision easier. There will always be hard choices in this life with more than one route to take, and I find that it’s important to make sure we don’t jump at one before investigating the others,” she adds.
“What if I can only see two routes?”
“You came here for answers, Rory. But you got a lot more than you bargained for in the process. I love you like family, and regardless of where your life journey takes you, you will always have a place here with us. That’s my promise to you. A love like the one you have here, with not only the Steeles but with Johnny and your girls, can create a beautiful life.
“I can’t tell you what to do or which path to take. I understand why you feel like taking the one that leads to Lee, and I respect you for your loyalty. My only advice is to remember that home isn’t always a place but a person or a group of people. And family is made from love, support, and respect. If anything, please just remember that. Carry it with you wherever your journey takes you, even if it doesn’t lead you back to us.”
“I love you too, Eliza,” I whisper, feeling that familiar burn climbing up my throat that I’ve been battling since yesterday. “Thank you.”
She gives my wrist a squeeze, her smile soft and warm. “You’re welcome. And as far as work, I will not be replacing you. You take whatever you need with you, and once you’re back, you can get back to normal.”
“Both you and Johnny seem certain I’ll be coming back to stay.”
“Should we think differently?”
I almost laugh because no, they shouldn’t. The decision was made for me the moment I started falling in love with this place and the people here. There’s nothing waiting for me back in Calgary. My mom is happy with her husband, and we’re not worlds apart with me here and them there.
“No you shouldn’t,” I say.
“What are you going to do about James and Bernice? Would you like me to tell them?”