Page 65 of Proof Of Life
I have a routine now, starting with skin care. A pump of lotion is enough to soften the scarred skin, which reduces irritation throughout the day. A sprinkle of Gold Bond powder in my nylon sleeve for odor and sweat absorption to help keep my skin dry. Then I roll it over my stump, grab my leg to attach it, and slide my pants on, standing to get them over my ass. But when I reach for my boot to slide it over the foot, I stop…
“You fucking fucker!”
Brandt’s laughter carries through the bathroom door. When he opens it, he’s grinning like it’s his birthday. “Gotcha.”
“Why would you paint the toenails of my prosthetic foot? Bubble gum pink, no less!”
“Actually, it’s Marry Me Pink.” He’s doubled over, clutching his stomach in a fit of laughter. “The guys said it was a hazing ritual, a rite of passage to officially being a Bitch.”
“Fuck, Brandt, how could you?” We had a bro code of honor. Didn’t we?
“Stiles paid me twenty bucks.”
“You threw me under the bus for twenty fucking bucks?” He’s laughing harder now, snorting and wheezing. “You better sleep with one eye open, Reaper.”
He straightens and rubs a hand over his perfectly sculpted and scarred abs, and the move draws my eyes. It’s crazy to me how I can find that so sexy now, whereas I never noticed before. So many changes in me lately. Good changes. Speaking of…
“I have an appointment with a therapist today at BALLS.”
“Yeah, we’re working out with Riggs after group.”
“No, a different therapist.” I pull my boot on to avoid his gaze, busying myself with tying the laces.
“What kind of therapist?”
I can hear the concern in his voice, all traces of humor gone. It wraps around my heart like a hug, fortifying me, giving me strength. “A head shrink that specializes in trauma.”
His weight drops down next to me, making the mattress dip. “Wes, that’s…” He swallows, and he clears his throat. “That’s great. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
And this is why I didn’t want to say anything. What if I can’t cut it? What if it’s too much and I want to quit? I’d disappoint him. It’s also why I decided to tell him, because he won’t let me quit.
“Yeah, we’ll see.”
“Okay, finish getting dressed. There’s this website I found that I want to show you before we go. It’s a bulk supplier of tactical gear. We can check it out, maybe place an order so we can get started with our business.”
He’s in full go-mode, brimming with purpose and energy. Apparently, my starting therapy is a good thing. Really good.
We’ll see.
Standing outside of the gym, I’m ready to part ways when Brandt catches my arm, and I turn back around.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this? Because we can go back to the car,” he offers, thumbing over his shoulder.
“I don’t know if I’m ready, but I need this. I think we both do.”
“Don’t do this for me, Wes, do it for you. For your own peace of mind. You don’t owe me anything.”
That’s the biggest fucking lie ever. I owe him everything.
“I’ll be fine. I’m a big boy.”
“Look, if you feel like…If you can’t do it, it’s okay to just get up and leave. Try again another day. If you need me, you know where to find me. I’ll be right here working out with Riggs.” I offer him a weak smile that I hope is reassuring, and he squeezes my fingers. “Don’t forget, just because I’m not with you doesn’t mean you don’t have my legs.”
“And I can’t fall with three legs. I won’t forget, Reaper.” Goddamn, I will never deserve this man, not as my friend, and not as my lover. In no capacity, in no lifetime, will I ever be worthy of him. “Sit tight. I’ll be back in an hour.”
I can feel his eyes burning holes in my back as I shuffle down the hall toward the office where I’m meeting my therapist. Riggs set the whole thing up, and I trust his recommendation, but I have no idea who I’m meeting with. When I approach the second to last door on the left, I knock twice, and I hear a muffled “Come in” through the door.
The office is decorated in a plain but warm aesthetic, with white walls and brown suede chairs. The color comes from the many potted plants, and a maroon oriental knock-off rug on the floor. It’s comfortable and simple and helps to put me at ease.