Page 83 of Risk
“I’m not doing anything, Leah.”
“Yes, you are! You’re making me feel worse!” I drop onto the sofa and tuck my legs in. Mason’s condo sucks. There are no blankets or pillows or anything comfy. It doesn’t even smell like him in here anymore. I hate it. “I don’t know why I’m feeling so anxious.”
“I do. And you do too, you’re just being thick headed about it.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Leah, I love you. You know that. We’ve been friends for how many years now?”
“A bunch.”
“Mmm hmm. And you’ve never had a boyfriend. You only have hookups.”
“And dates.”
“Also just hook ups.”
“I’ve seen a few of them more than once.”
“Still hookups.” Mak sighs. “Does Mason know about the camgirl thing?”
“Why?”
“Does he?”
“Yeah.”
Mak’s voice softens. “Remember when we talked about how this wasn’t a commitment? That you both can have fun, then split off into your separate lives?”
“Yeah.”
“Well. Do you still feel that way?”
“No,” I confess quietly. “Oh my god, I’m broken. He’s busted me all up. How am I attached already?”
“That’s what happens when you fall for someone.”
Oh god, what if she’s right? “This is going to hurt.” I feel sick to my stomach. “I don’t want to get hurt.”
Mak sighs. “Who says this won’t last? There’s no reason to think you’ll get hurt, Leah.”
Every man breaks a woman’s heart. Only fictional book boyfriends are safe. There was a time when my mother was head over heels for my dad. They used to dance in the kitchen and hold hands in the grocery store. The bliss didn’t last. Day after day, year after year, their love turned into hate, cruelty, and misery.
I can’t imagine how painful it would feel if Mason did that to me.
“He said he loved me when we got back from California.”
“Holy. Shit.” Mak pauses. “That’s…”
“Fast. Stupid. Probably a lie.” We’re just in some kind of delirious happy-new-couple phase. It’ll die down, eventually. He said it in a moment of excitement and probably wasn’t thinking.
Except that doesn’t sound like something Mason would do. The man is calculative and brilliant. Thoughtful and thorough. I don’t think he’d say anything he didn’t mean.
Mak clears her throat. “What did you say back?”
“Nothing.” I bury my face in my hands. “I diverted the conversation by having sex with him.”
“Okay, okay. So, if he said it again, right now, what would you say?”