Page 45 of The Darkest Chase

I freeze.

What the fuck did I just say?

I never say that out loud to anyone.

Not even Carina knew how my dad used to beat me. She only knew I had no interest in introducing her to my family and thought it was a slight against her. I never asked for her sympathy.

I didn’t need anyone’s useless platitudes.

I don’t need Talia’s, either.

I definitely don’t need her to straighten up and practically yell at my face.

“You’re not a freak!” Soft, yet so loud. “You’re just you.”

I look up sharply to find her watching me across the fire, her blue eyes almost hard with warm determination. Her mouth is a firm line of lush lips trembling with conviction.

Goddamn.

This girl confuses the hell out of me.

One minute, she’s looking at me like I’m a monster. The next, she’s running around me like a puppy, pulling me in all directions.

Now, she’s looking at me like she sees me.

Not my strangeness.

Not my coldness.

Not the shield that keeps people at a distance.

Me.

And I don’t know how the hell I feel about being seen.

I have to break that innocent gaze again, deflecting by standing to take the kettle off the fire and pour water over two waiting cups of tea.

“Can’t be anyone else, can I?” I say harshly. “Wouldn’t even know how.”

That’s a lie.

My entire identity in Redhaven is a lie, even if it’s mostly a lie of omission when all I do is keep my business to myself and let other folks fill in the blanks.

I wonder how betrayed the guys would feel if they knew the truth.

How betrayed would Talia feel if she knew she’s out here with a liar?

It doesn’t matter.

I’m not here for lasting relationships or friends. Once I take down Xavier Arrendell and the Jacobins, that’s it.

I’ll probably pack up for New York or New England.

The thought leaves an odd chasm in my chest that’s never been there before.

I hold a steaming mug out to Talia. She tilts her head back, looking up at me, her brightness eclipsed in my shadow falling over her.

It feels a little too heavy.