Page 101 of Trusting You
25
Carter
I’m gonna die in Nowhere, Brooklyn.
Lily won’t remember me. I’ll only ever sell one piece of artwork, and no one, not one person in my life, will cry over the loss.
Well, maybe Sophie will.
I’m clinging to Locke with the force of a tick insect. His shirt’s getting damp, either by my panicked sweat, or his, or both. We’re tap-dancing toward the exit, but it’s going too slowly. Even with two heavy-hitters on either side, we’re moving through a thick swamp of people.
I haven’t been in a panicked crowd before, but I’ve seen enough on TV, learned enough in high school shooting drills, to know it is not where I want to be if this goes sideways.
I’m little. I’ll be trampled. Locke will be hurt.
“We need to get out,” I say, but don’t expect any answer.
Glass hitting concrete floor breaks out, shards scattering across my sandals. More screams ring out, flailing arms and crazy amounts of perfume mixing in the air, becoming cloying, suffocating.
I see it. I see the bright red EXIT like the North Star leading me home, and I pick up the pace as if I can carry Locke’s body with me, along with two other men who are acting as human shields.
Then.
Oh, then.
A shot cuts through the atmosphere.
The room explodes with humanity.
“Fuck!” Locke roars, then hangs on to me so tight I can’t breathe.
He’s losing his balance trying to hold and push me at the same time with all the bodies hitting him, smacking on all sides. Someone grabs my hair and yanks. I scream while Locke swears and punches the guy in the face. I watch with horror as the guy clutches his eye then sinks into the swarming crowd.
Locke trips, nearly bringing us both down, but rights himself just in time. I’m nothing but deadweight to him, and if he keeps up trying to protect me, he’ll be seriously injured. His knee can’t take it.
“You have to let me go,” I whisper, then say louder, “You have to let me go!”
“What? Hell, no!” Locke shouts, and he won’t break my stare.
“You have to!” I shout, then push him away.
He stumbles, reaches for me, and loses. Ash and Ben shout at the same time I disappear from their view.
“Police!” I hear over the cries. “Everybody calm down!”
That only heightens the stampede. I’m stumbling, looking everywhere and nowhere at the same time, trying to keep upright. If I fall, if I flatten, then it’s over.
I’m being pulled by the crowd, and some small recollection in the back of my mind tells me to let it happen. To go with the tide instead of fight against it.
I listen.
Each second is like a bomb’s timer ticking down to 0:00, but I’m moving toward the exit, I’m getting there. I risk a look back, but since it messes with my balance, I can’t maintain it and figure out where Locke and his friends are.
Locke. Please be okay.
Other people’s sweat is slick on my skin. The air is hot with all the expelled breath. I’m trying to breathe calmly but can’t help the swell of horror in my chest, shrinking my lungs.
“I’m…” I say. “I can’t…”