Page 109 of Trusting You
“That’s sweet, you know.” Locke strokes my shoulder. “A nice memory to have.”
“It is. And when she got pregnant, and we found out it was a girl, we were over the moon. Scared as hell, but excited.”
“That…I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.”
I don’t mean to, but I stiffen, and he starts tracing calming circles on my back. “I’m not asking you this stuff to get mad. I really want to know. Talk to me. When you guys found out she was pregnant when Lily was born…I want to know all of it. If you’ll tell me.”
A few seconds of silence pass as I figure out what to say and how to condense everything Paige and I went through to pillow talk. But if Locke has proven anything these past weeks, it’s that he deserves a part in the beginning of his daughter’s life.
“When Paige took the pregnancy test, she cried,” I say at last. Locke continues his gentle circles. “We’d just graduated, got our internships, found an apartment near the beach. I came home with groceries and found her crying in the kitchen, on the floor, with an open jug of milk beside her. She’d gone to make tea while she waited for the results, and found out before she could pour the milk in…and she just collapsed. Right where she stood.”
“That’s awful.”
I nod. “I went down on the floor with her, and she told me. I’ll always remember how cold the tiles were, compared to her hot skin. She was red, blotchy from crying for who knows how long. And we talked. After she told me…God, my stomach dropped to my toes. And when we discussed what she wanted to do, I was willing to support whatever she decided. And she didn’t figure it out right there, by our kitchen sink. She took a few days…I never asked who.”
Locke pauses at my sudden change in topic.
“I never asked her who the father was. Not then, not after. She and I…we coped with our loneliness in different ways. I’m estranged from my family because they can’t accept my art, my creativity—but that’s a topic for another time. Paige lost her parents in a car accident when she was young. Not having a mom or dad or both, it can really screw with a kid’s mind, and it did with ours. I coped by doing what I was supposed to—graduating with a business degree and getting into data science. Maybe my dad would notice me then. Paige…Paige coped by throwing herself at men. She didn’t care who it was, wasn’t looking for relationships, and spent most of her college weekends doing just that. I don’t judge her for it. She liked sex, liked the lack of commitment. So, I assumed it was another one of those college boys she never seemed to have a problem going after.”
Locke’s tracing of patterns has all but stopped. “She didn’t seem like that kind of girl…”
I rise on my forearms. “She’s not. She’s loving and kind and smart and sacrificed everything for her child. Just because she enjoyed screwing around—”
“Not what I was getting at, Carter. I only remember how she was with me.”
I bring my shoulders down from my ears. “Oh.”
“Go on. Tell me about how Lily went from a literal peanut size to what she is today.”
“Lily made her so, so sick,” I say, my lips growing wide with a smile. “But all Paige could eat was burgers. That’s all she wanted. Lily’s DNA is half Big Mac, I gotta tell you.”
Locke chuckles.
“And she made Paige huge. Like, Paige had these tiny stick arms and legs and this giant, perfectly round belly. Lily was born at seven pounds, six ounces. By the time we were in the hospital, and some god-like nurse stuck an epidural in her, Paige was screaming for Lily to get out of her house.”
“Was it…uh, I don’t know how to ask this. Was it good labor?”
“Sure. If you call fourteen hours of contractions a great time.” I give him a light punch on his belly. I’m still on my elbows, looking down at him. “Only two hours of pushing, though…is this too much? Is this TMI?”
He shakes his head. “No. Nothing about Lily is TMI.”
I smile again. “Good. I was there, at one of her legs, a nurse was at the other, and Lily was born into this world screeching.”
“That’s my girl.”
“She was perfect. Oh, my God, she was. And was laid right on Paige’s chest. Paige stayed in the hospital for about two days, and because of visiting hours and…not being family…I was restricted in seeing them, but they were happy. Paige was terrified, still, of course, but the nurses were helpful. Except, Lily wouldn’t latch, no matter how hard everyone tried.”
“Wouldn’t latch?”
I glance down at my breasts, half covered with a white sheet. “On the nipple.”
Locke’s brows jump. “Ah.”
“Maybe TMI now?”
“Never. Go on.”
“Things get…a little worse by this point.”