Page 12 of Trusting You

“No,” I blurt, then add, “yes. Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t know, man. A few hours ago, I was told I was a dad. Not only that, but I’m also told that she’s coming to me. A baby I never knew existed is coming over here, and I’m supposed to know what to do with it. Her. Do I need one of those?” I point to the black BMWs parked in the center of the restaurant, laden with toys and bottles and diapers and things. “Am I gonna become one of those?”

“Okay, stay calm.” Ben pats me on the shoulder and locks eyes with me the way we did when we were in a team huddle. “We will figure this shit out. We will. I don’t know much about the law, but I do know you can say no. You haven’t been in this kid’s life at all.”

“Right,” I say, nodding. “You’re absolutely right.”

“Don’t feel responsible for the fucked-up reasons this baby mama kept your fatherhood from you.”

I nod again, lean back, and take another long draw of beer. “The baby’s better off without me.”

Ben doesn’t give his opinion. Instead, he asks, “What’s her name, anyway? The kid?”

“Lily,” I say automatically. My tongue is still curled on the y when I realize that’s the first time I’ve said it. With my voice. Her name flew out of my mouth, but then stuck like toffee. A staying sweetness I’m not expecting. “Lily James Tobias.”

Ben gives a one-shouldered shrug. “Pretty.”

I hunch over the bar with him, finishing my beer and respecting the fact that Ben won’t be invested until I am, that he’ll dismiss this kid the minute I give the go ahead. But as I take back my phone, Lily’s face flashes up at me, and I feel a clog in my throat, a tiny stone I can’t dislodge until I black out my screen and shove it into my pocket.