Page 141 of Trusting You
“In your motherfucking dreams.” He lifts a boot. “I could step on you with this and win.”
“I’ll ram this IV rod right up your dick.”
Asher grins. “I’d still fuck better than you.”
“She’s not going to listen,” I say.
He takes the change in topic without a hitch. “But the question is, do you want her to listen? Is she worth it to you?”
I suck on a tooth, staring at the far wall.
“Look, Ben’s better at this shit, but here are my two cents.” Asher drops his feet to the floor and rests his elbows on his thighs. “I haven’t seen you this way with a chick. Fuck, you had a child with a woman, and I still didn’t see you in that kinda way with that chick. So, Carter means something to you. And if you let her fly off to our bumfuck college town without telling her how you really feel, well, that’s on you, bro.”
“She’s seen all of me, Ash. Carter knows all there is to know. And she’s choosing to run in the other direction.”
“You think that’s because she’s become aware of who you ‘really’ are?” Asher actually uses air quotes. “You can turn that shit around by simply having a conversation with her.”
“Each time I do, I screw it up.” I drop my chin, exhausted. “Or I don’t say what I’m supposed to. How’m I supposed to know what’s right? When we met, Carter preferred to stay at a hostel in midtown than room with me. Was that the time to tell her, oh hey, I slept with your friend, who’s now dead after suffering through cancer and forced to leave her baby behind, on a bet, for ten hundys. But I’m totally ready to be that kid’s dad now.”
I slump in the hospital bed as if I’m not currently slumped over like a limp prick.
“How about…you relate to her with your mom?”
I curl my lip at him and glance away.
“It’s under the bridge, anyway. You and Carter are at this point now because of the both of you idiots. It’s neither one of your faults.”
“I’m pretty sure it is. Numero uno, right here.”
“Your pity party’s getting lame.”
“What’s lame is being unable to accept that a girl doesn’t want me. But it really digs, the fact she’s the only woman who understands the real me.”
“Dude, I’ve been with you at rock bottom. I’ve run with you to the top. In all those directions, I’ve never left, because I know you. You threw broken beer bottles at me, tried to stab me in the eye once.”
“I did?”
“Yup. I flushed all your pills down the toilet.”
“I don’t remember.”
That whole period of time, after my first knee surgery, was nothing but a drunken, drug-induced haze, and I was probably better off not recalling it in great detail.
“Not the point. If Carter has seen the real you and wants nothing to do with it, her loss, man. Her fucking loss.” He sits straight. “‘Cause you’re fucking awesome. I wouldn’t be here, have willingly slogged through the type of shit you dragged me into if you weren’t.”
A smile plays at my mouth, but I stifle it. “Aw, Ash…”
He points at me. “Never mention this again. Got it?”
“So long as you tell no one about my preference for red briefs.”
“It’s to hide the lipstick.” Ash winks as he stands. “I’m all for it.”
I take a careful breath. I’m able to breathe deeper these days by only a fraction. “You said they’re on their way?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m leaving it up to Carter. If she chooses to end…whatever this is…then I’ll respect it.”