Page 20 of Trusting You
7
Carter
ONE MONTH LATER
“Ba-ba.”
“What’s that, sweetie?” I bend down, so Lily’s cupid bow lips are closer to my ear.
“Ba-ba!”
Yikes. That went from a polite request to a screech in one-point-two seconds.
I loop an arm around her as much as I can while I reach to the floor, pulling out the diaper bag I’d stuffed underneath the seat in front of me.
“Let me help.”
The lady in the plane’s seat next to me, Eden Munch, uncrosses her legs and pulls the bottle out of the side of the striped bag.
“Thank you,” I say, still unsure how I’m supposed to interact with the social worker. I’d rather spend this time alone with Lily, holding her forever on my lap, cherishing each squirm, and yes, adoring each scream. I only have two and a half more hours with her.
“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,” the speaker drawls. “This is your pilot speaking. We’ll be starting our descent in about ten minutes, and I’ll be putting the seat belt sign on to encourage you to stay in your seats. We can expect to land in about thirty-five minutes.”
Correction. Make that a little more than half an hour with her.
Lily whines and I realize I’ve tightened my grip on her. It physically hurts as I release and give her the bottle, to which she grabs as if she’s been stranded on a desert, and begins chugging.
Eden seems to sense my unease because she pats my elbow. “It’ll be okay, honey.”
“Oh, I’m not a nervous flyer.”
“I know,” she says, and her warm brown eyes trained on mine. She doesn’t have to say anything more. The lump in my throat won’t dislodge from sympathy, empathy, or anything resembling kindness. Not if, at the end of it all, I still have to give up my heart, beating in a small, warm body nestled on my lap.
“I want to thank you,” I say to her instead. “For letting me come along.”
“It’s important to maintain the familiar with Lily. Having you here will make the transition easier, especially when transferring custody to another state.”
I nod like I’m only here for official reasons and not to scream once Lily’s ripped from my hold.
Closing my eyes, I rest my chin on Lily’s head, full of ringlets now, but just as warm as I remember. It fits perfectly, and I breathe in her scent, enjoying smelling like baby powder again.
Eden doesn’t make any further conversation—she hasn’t said much since meeting me at the Jacksonville airport with Lily in tow. I’d fallen to my knees upon seeing Lily, arms open, completely and utterly bemused by the fact she was on her own two feet.
Her still toothless grin spread wide upon spotting me, and while very, very unsteady, she toddled over into my arms, and my tears soaked her neck. When her little arms looped around mine, I nearly fell prone on the terminal floor, taking her with me and cuddling close.
Our reunion was short-lived and the plane ride much too quick, because we’re now descending into JFK, where Locke somehow did enough to convince these people that Lily could be his.
“You’ll always be mine,” I whisper closely in her ear. Her baby hairs tickle my mouth. “I’ll forever be yours.”
Lily continues sucking on her bottle, her attention riveted by the reading light above us. I swallow and wrap myself around her as much as I can, dreading the moment when I have to stand.
Too soon, the plane hits the tarmac, and we rumble to the gate. Too quickly, Eden rises, taking the diaper bag with her and gesturing for me to come along. Too surprisingly, the people in front of us exit the plane fast and efficiently.
“That’s not supposed to happen,” I say to Lily as I rise out of the window seat and step into the aisle. “People are supposed to take forever to get their baggage and leave the plane.”
The pilot and flight attendant say good-bye to me with professional cheer once I turn left into the gate, and I can’t muster a smile in return. Lily’s tight against my chest, and while she mutters at the grip, she doesn’t seem overly angry about it, so I keep her there, close, safe, near.
Every step carries weight, every space between clogged with uncertainty.