Page 44 of Trusting You
“I’ll protect you, as well,” he says through a grunt as he lifts the stroller. “You seem to keep forgetting that you matter, too.”
I’m not sure how to respond, but since he’s already down the staircase, setting the stroller on the ground, I say nothing. I follow and instantly notice the bend in his left leg.
“Locke, your knee.”
He waves it off. “It’s fine. I have a baby now. Have to get used to lifting the mechanics that come with her up and down stairs. Now, come on.”
Locke opens the main doors, and the three of us roll into a sunny, Saturday morning, on a trip to the zoo.
* * *
The subway’s crowded,containing smells I can’t identify with crud I can’t tell where from. But, no one comes to kidnap Lily, nor does anyone try to rip my purse away.
In fact, it’s the exact opposite. Once Locke and I finish carrying Lily’s stroller down the subway steps and roll onto the platform, Lily endears anyone near into cooing, waving, or smiling at her. When we enter the train car and feel the sweet caress of air-conditioning, a kind man offers his seat to me so I can sit with Lily’s stroller at my knees.
Currently, in what seems like her millionth month of teething, Lily gnaws on her toy and jabbers to my seat mate, a woman initially reading her tablet but has since fallen under Lily’s spell. Locke is holding onto the railing attached to the roof, his body shadowing Lily and me.
“She’s adorable,” the woman says. She wiggles her fingers at Lily, who responds with “ahbahdahdah” as she munches.
“Thank you,” I say, because that’s how you respond to people who say the baby is cute.
“You two are very lucky,” she continues.
Locke smiles and nods. “Don’t we know it.”
He winks at me.
I offer a tentative smile back, then give all my interest to Lily, dangling her toy, a stuffed bunny with a rattle in its chest that’s seen better days. I doubt this woman wants to hear the logistics of this “family” she’s seated with, even though all my tongue wants to do is explain. I don’t know why. I should be fine with our outward appearance and its foolery to strangers. Who cares if she thinks we’re a happy family?
Because she thinks you’re Lily’s mom.
The unwanted answer spears through my stomach, and I fumble with the toy before letting Lily grab it with sticky hands.
She’s not mine. Lily was half mine when Paige was alive, but she’s now his. Locke’s. Lily’s actual, biological father.
The fact makes me want to cry, so I’m thankful when the train screeches to a stop at our station.
“All right, sputnik, time to go!” Locke says to Lily as he spins the stroller. He looks over his shoulder to make sure I’m following through the crowd.
I am, but I keep my distance for a few moments, gathering the nerve to continue on with this family facade.
I find my steps heavy, my heart swollen, at how we must appear to other people. Worse, I’m aware of what’s bearing the weight. Being a part of Lily’s family is all I’ve wanted, and this, right here, is a mask until I muster enough courage to walk in the other direction—away from her.
Locke lifts Lily’s stroller again to ascend the staircase, and I snap out of it and scramble to help, conscious of his injury even if he isn’t, but I’m too late. He’s already at the top.
He’s grinning when he spots me. “Ready for some animals?”
“Sure,” I say, then force an extra bright smile for Lily’s sake. “What kind of animals does New York have to offer, anyway? We’re used to aquariums over here.”
“Oh, I dunno, pigeons, rats with pizzas…” He grins with his joke. “Just keep your eyes level, and you’ll miss ‘em.”
“How divine.”
“I hear this park has a red panda and some llamas.”
I quirk my brows at that.
We navigate through the scattered crowds on the sidewalk until we reach the entrance to Prospect Park. From my brief research on my phone, the zoo is on the east side of Prospect Park, a little off Flatbush Avenue where we were walking now.