Page 72 of Trusting You
My mouth parts at the same time a sinking begins in my stomach. “I…I didn’t know.”
Astor straightens. “Of course not. That’s a secret Locke keeps well hidden, because he thinks he’s over it. Big surprise—he hates all secrets except those he keeps about himself. Typical Locke ego. He thinks his friends have gotten him through the worst of it, and they have. Ben…Ben did everything he could to get Locke out of that black place. But Locke still visits there sometimes. He hides it well, but I’m not stupid.”
My spine goes stiff. “Is Lily in danger?”
“I mean, I’m not convinced Locke is okay. And learning he has a kid…fuck, I was terrified he’d spiral.”
“That doesn’t tell me what I need to know,” I say. I’ve always been told lawyers love to hedge, but Astor’s driving me crazy. “As far as I was aware, Locke was doing great. And now you’re telling me he could be an addict.” I start to stand. “If Lily’s not okay with him, I’m taking her right now—”
“No!” Astor puts a hand on my wrist. “Shit, no, please stay. If you think for one second that I’d leave a baby with Locke when he’s not okay…” Astor sighs. “You don’t know me. So, how I’m coming across doesn’t make sense to you. I’m-I’m venting. Trying to make you understand who Locke is as a person, how much he fights for what he loves. Not to inform you that Lily’s at risk.” She rubs at her face. “I’m doing a horrible job. I’m so bad at this,” she says, dropping her hand. “At getting to know people. Especially those as deeply involved with Locke as you are.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I say, but my voice has lost its edge. I sit back down, but my mind’s traveling days, weeks back, and sifting through all the moments where Locke could’ve shown weakness. Where pills could be involved. The absolute agony on his face in the form of harsh lines the other day, at the corners of his lips, his forehead.
His sharp denial when I told him to take pain meds.
Oh, I’m such an idiot.
Astor stares at me levelly, and I feel her assessment as easily as if she’s gliding her index finger down from my forehead to my toes. “It’s funny. Everyone who cares about Locke is worried how you’ll rock the boat if you’ll swipe what’s remade him from under his nose and leave him adrift. But no one is considering how this storm is affecting you.”
I swallow. Take a drink to soothe a suddenly parched throat. Spoiler alert—I don’t like being under Astor’s study.
“I’m going on year two of dealing with the worst moment in my life,” I say. “I can weather whatever will come at me next.”
“Strong,” Astor murmurs while stirring her cocktail. “Bet Locke didn’t expect that.”
“Why not? He has you,” I say. The longer this conversation goes on, the more I’m willing to spar. “You seem pretty tough.”
Astor barks out a laugh. “Someone has to corral him. His friends encourage more than they supervise.”
“I’ve only met them once. They seem…nice.”
This time, Astor’s laugh is genuine and long. “They’re intimidating as shit. They’re all too smart for their hot bods to operate properly. All that glorious, slick muscle usually trumps any of their logic, and their little heads usually win all arguments with their big ones. I can’t believe Locke had you walk into that.”
“I don’t think he meant for it to happen. They were going to meet Lily, door or no door.”
When Astor smiles, something happens to her normally cool composure. It’s like a different woman looks back at me once I warm her up. “That sounds like them.”
“What do you think of Ben?”
Astor zeroes in on me. I lift my drink innocently. She invited me to the roast. It’s only fair I add a little sizzle. And at her careful once-over, I suspected she knows it.
“Ben’s a good guy,” is all she’ll say.
I can’t help it. I spare a glance at her ring. She notices. “There’s nothing going on between Ben and me.”
“Was there ever?”
Astor chuckles under her breath, shaking her head. “I underestimated you.”
“I’m learning that around here; it’s better to bite than to poke.”
“True. Locke has some tough people around him, but we’re loyal. You get us on your side, you have us forever.”
I nod. “I remember what that’s like.”
“You can rest easy knowing that our insane loyalties, our protective hearts, will go all in for that little girl.”
I smile. “Thank you.”