Page 69 of Meant For Love
But before I press send, I delete it and close it. I open the fridge, seeing that all there is are things to drink, so I pull up the order app. I’m scrolling to see what to order when the phone rings in my hand, and I see it’s Nash.
“Hey,” I answer the phone, pretending I’m fine and that everything is okay.
“Hey,” he says and I hear a door shut on his side, and I wonder if he’s just getting home. “You just got in?”
“Yeah, not too long ago. I was going to order something to eat.” Even this conversation feels forced. “What are you going to do?” I close my eyes, trying to pretend I don’t miss him, but not being able to hug and kiss him has pushed me to the edge, and I’m about to jump fucking over.
“Not sure yet,” he replies.
“I think we need to talk when I come back,” I say the words I’ve wanted to say since last night after I said the words I’ve regretted since.
“I think we need to talk also,” he finally agrees. “There are things that need to be said.”
“I agree,” I say, nervous and wishing we could just hash it out now instead of prolonging this shit.
“Do you know when you’re coming back?” he asks me, his voice soft.
I’m about to answer him when the doorbell rings. I get off my stool, walking over to the door. “I think I’ll be back by next week, just not sure of the date yet.” I don’t even bring up we were supposed to have dinner with his parents on Monday, wondering if he told them I came without him. “I will know more by Tuesday.” I unlock the door and open it and stand here staring in shock.
I see him standing there, looking like he’s run his hand through his hair for hours, wearing exactly what he was wearing at the office. His phone is in one hand and a green case in the other hand. “You forgot your cat.”
Thirty
Nash
Her mouth is open in shock, the phone still to her ear as she takes me in. I probably look disheveled because it took me a lot longer than I thought it would. I had already booked a plane when she came and told me she was leaving. Then when she came back and said she was leaving right then, it threw all my plans out the window. I watched her walk out while calling the plane and pushing it up, rushing to get the fuck out of my office before going to get the cat.
I hold up the green-and-brown carrier in my hand. “You forgot your cat,” I say, knowing it’s the stupidest excuse known to humankind.
I don’t know how long it takes her to answer me. It could have been seconds, but it felt like hours. “Nash,” she whispers.
“Do you know how hard it is to travel with a kitten?” I ask, trying to make her smile, something I haven’t done in the last couple of days. “She cried for a good thirty minutes until I let her out, and then she climbed everywhere for a good two hours before napping the rest of the way.” I stand here on her stoop, holding her menace cat in my hand, hoping she lets me in. “Can I come in?” I finally ask her, and she snaps out of the shock and moves away.
“Of course you can,” she says, moving away but holding out her hand for the carrier. “Hi, my girl,” she says to the cat. “Did you go on an adventure?” She looks from the cat to me, putting the carrier on the floor and then opening it to take her out. “I don’t have anything for the cat here.”
“I called Zara before I got on the plane,” I tell her, and again, she just stares at me. “She said she left everything in the laundry room, and you owe her for going into a pet store.”
She gets up and walks over to the laundry room, opening the door and seeing everything there. “She got her a water fountain.” She smiles over her shoulder as she kisses the kitten’s neck and then puts her down in the litter box, before coming back out to join me.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she states, and I can see her bottom lip tremble. She looks down and I see her hand come up, shaking a bit as she wipes away what looks like a tear.
“How could you think I wouldn’t be here?” I ask her, and she just looks at me. I see the big tears welling at the bottom of her eyes. It’s more than I can take, so I walk two steps toward her and hold her face in my hands. “We need to talk,” I repeat, my own hands shaking now. “You are going to have to bear with me because I’ve never done this before,” I tell her honestly. “I fucked up,” I start with that because it’s the first thing that comes to my mind, “and I’m sorry.”
“Nash.” She wraps her hands around my wrists that hold her face, my thumbs sweeping her cheeks, brushing away the tears. “Before you start, I want to say one thing.” She holds up her hand to stop me from talking, and I don’t think I even take a fucking breath as I wait for her to say what she so urgently has to say. “I’m so sorry about what I said.” I see her nervously twist her hands together. “It was so uncalled for, and I wanted to take back the words the minute I said them?—”
I shake my head, trying not to get my hopes up high as I say what I came here to say. “Just let me say what I have to say.” I quickly cut her off. “I’m in love with you.” I finally say the words, not caring how vulnerable it makes me. “I’m so fucking in love with you I can’t see fucking straight.” I bend to kiss her lips. “I know we have a lot to work out, but I don’t want a divorce. I didn’t want a divorce before I fell in love with you, and now, I definitely don’t want a divorce.” My eyes search hers. “When you mentioned divorce, it threw me off. I mean, I knew I asked you to give me ninety days, but I didn’t think it was hanging over our head. I was hoping you could see how much I was falling for you. I was hoping you saw how much I love you.” I bring her closer to me. “You had to know. You have to know how much I love you.”
“I was hoping,” she finally replies, a smile forming on her lips. “I was really fucking hoping. That’s why I brought up the divorce, to see where you were at. I didn’t want it. I never, ever wanted it. You have to have known also.” Her eyes turn red with tears. “But I needed to hear the words. I needed you to tell me you love me so I could know I wasn’t in this alone.”
“Fuck, baby, you had to know you weren’t in this alone,” I reinforce as my lips find hers, my tongue sliding with hers. “I know there is more to say, but I’ve missed you so fucking much.” I drop my hands from her face, wrapping one arm around her waist to pull her to me. “You had to have known.” I kiss her jaw. “You had to have known how much you own me.” I kiss her neck. “How I live for you.” I suck on her neck. “How I breathe for you.” I rub my nose along the vein in her neck, where I can feel her heart beating. “You had to have known how my heart beats for you.” I pick her up and start walking toward the stairs. “You fucking own me, baby. Every single fiber of my being is yours.” I walk up the steps toward her bedroom. I’ve been without her for two days, and it feels like I haven’t touched her in years.
I walk over to her bed, her arms wrapped around my neck. “I love you,” she says when her knees hit the bed. “I thought I loved Josh. I thought he was the one.” She holds my face. “I was wrong. I’ve never felt what I feel for you, ever.”
I smirk at her. “Good, at least I know I’m not the only one. I’ve never told someone I love them before. I mean, my family, but I’ve never put myself out there. I knew, I knew the minute I met you that you were different.” I put my knee on the bed, and she unwraps her legs from my waist. “I knew the minute we kissed you were out of my league, and you had the power to destroy me, and I was not fucking wrong.” I pull her shirt off over her head. “I’m fucking jealous of anyone who makes you smile because I want to be the only one who makes you smile,” I admit to her. “I want to throat punch anyone who makes you laugh because, again, I want it to be just for me.”
“You have to know also”—she pulls my shirt out of my pants and unbuttons them—“that if I smile, it’s nothing like the smile I give you.” She gets to the last button. “No one makes me laugh like you do. No one makes me feel the way you do, ever.” She pushes the shirt over my chest. “I’m sorry I overreacted about Kailyn and threw it in your face.”
“She’s fired,” I fill her in, and her eyes go big. “She was fired two minutes after you walked out the door.”