Page 2 of One Last Time
“No, you won’t,” I promise him. “I love you, Si.”
“Love you, baby,” he whispers and pulls me to his bed. A sexy smile on his face. It’ll be hard not being together, but he’s right, there’s ways we can stay together. I don’t have to lose everyone I love.
After we make love, we spend the next hour talking about our future. We may not be able to go to prom together, but we’ve so much more to look forward to in our lifetime. He was my first love, my first kiss, my first boyfriend. My first everything. I want him to be my last. Silas is almost two years older than me. It doesn't matter, because we both know what we want.
“I have to go,” I tell him and fill my throat lodging with emotion. I don’t want to, I’m not ready. I’ve said goodbye to too many people today already.
He nods, “Remember, Pay, this isn’t goodbye…” Even as he says the words his beautiful green eyes fill with tears.
“It’s, see you soon.” I finish for him.
He gives me a teary smile and kisses me once again, this kiss is hungry, passionate, and demanding. It’s unlike anything we’ve ever shared before, but it’s also filled with promise. “I love you,” he says hoarsely.
“Always,” I tell him. “Bye, Si.” I turn and walk away just as my tears start to fall once again. My heart ripping to shreds with each step I take away from him.
I hope that we can survive the miles and the months that are to come. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do without him.
CHAPTER 1
Payton
NINE MONTHS LATER
“Payton!” Dahlia yells, and I groan, what does she want now?
The past nine months have been difficult, we’re all still trying to come to terms with our parents dying. Sebastian loves it here in Portland, he’s made loads of friends. He misses our parents terribly, as do we all, but he’s the one that’s managed to adjust the quickest. Tyler found it hard to adjust at first, but now, he’s happy here. Mary was the same, she made friends easily and decided that she too, loves Portland. I, on the other hand, hate it here. I miss home, I miss Silas, and I miss my friends. I want nothing more than to return home, but that’s never going to happen.
“What?” I yell back and send Silas a text message.
Things between us have been hard, a lot harder than I thought. He’s finally moved to Seattle and is doing what he always dreamed of. He’s loving his life and having fun. This is all that he’s ever wanted. We haven’t had a video call in a few weeks, and whenever we text, the replies come hours later. I feel as though we’re slowly drifting apart.
He was accepted to the University of Washington on a football scholarship as a wide receiver, and I’m so proud of him. He’s made the starting line up a few times already, mainly when one of the other players are injured, but he’s proven himself each time he’s taken to the field. Soon, he’s going to be a first team starter for sure, and when he does, I’ll be cheering him on just as I do now.
“Can you please come down here?” she asks, her tone resigned. I have probably been the hardest on her since we’ve come to live with her. I don’t mean to, it’s just that I hate it here. I don’t belong here, and it doesn’t feel like home.
I’m not a brat, I do things when she asks, even if it’s grudgingly. I know she took on a lot when she took the four of us in. I work hard at school, my grades are good; I’ve actually got them higher since I’ve moved here. I guess not having anyone to talk to has helped. I do all my chores without complaint, I watch my siblings whenever she’s working, but besides that, I don’t interact with her.
I get to my feet, wishing she’d just leave me alone. Tomorrow is my birthday and all I want is to see Silas, but Dahlia has made it clear that it won’t be happening. She won’t let me go alone and she can’t get a sitter for the kids.
She’s sitting at the kitchen island, her laptop opened up in front of her, a cup of coffee in her hand. She must hear my footsteps because she looks at me when I come into the kitchen. “Do you want a cup?” she asks, and I shake my head.
She sighs, “Payton, do you hate me?”
I’m stunned, does she really think that? “No.”
She glances down at her laptop screen before looking back up at me, and I realize it’s because she’s on the verge of tears.
“I know that I’ll never take the place of your mother, and I don’t want to,” she whispers, and my stomach clenches at the mention of my mom. “But I love you, Pay, I always have.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I know.”
She shakes her head, “Something is going on, Pay, and I’m seriously worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” I respond quickly.
“No, you’re not, you’re far from fine,” she tells me as she puts her coffee mug down. “You don’t eat very much, you’ve lost a lot of weight.”
I was never fat, just a little chubby. I’ve lost all the extra weight I had, but she’s right, I don’t really eat. I can’t stomach the thought of food.