Page 48 of One Last Time
Right now, Pay’s reliving her heartache, and I fucking hate it. I told her that I would have told Dahlia, save her the pain of going over it again. But Payton said no, that she owed her aunt an explanation. I’m hovering close by because I know that she’s going to break down again, and when she does, I’m going to be here to show her that she’s not alone.
I’m fucking devastated that the baby is gone, but I was honest with Pay when I told her that if she didn’t want any more then I was fine with it. All I need in life is Payton, any children we have would be blessings, and I’d love them, but Payton is all I need.
My cell rings, and Payton’s eyes come to me, she gives me a small smile, but I see the hesitance lurking behind. She’s worried about me leaving. Last night we spoke about all the shit that had happened from the moment her parents died and our lives changed. She’s scared that I’m going to leave. My girl has no idea the depths of what I feel. We’ve been apart for too fucking long; I’m not going anywhere.
Hearing her tell me that she bought us a house, I couldn’t help but smile. She gave me something that I’ve wanted since I was sixteen, and knew that Seattle Silverbacks is where I wanted to play. This has been my dream, playing for the best team in the country and being with the woman I love. Her buying this house has made that dream into a reality.
“Cas,” I say as I answer the phone, wondering what’s going on with him. I told him I was with Payton, trying to make things right between us.
“Just wanted to let you know that I’ll be gone for a few days. I’m going to see Saya.” I haven’t heard him sound at ease for a while.
“Good.” I’ve been telling him this for weeks.
“Yep, it’s time. You’ve got Payton back, now I’m going to get my woman back. How are things between you two?”
I glance at my girl and see that she’s crying in Dahlia’s arms. She’s in good hands, I take a step outside so that I can talk freely. “Between us, great. But something happened, and she’s not doing too good.”
“What happened?” There’s an edge to his tone, and this is why he’s my brother. He’s got my back no matter what.
“Payton had a miscarriage two weeks ago.” Saying the words hurt, I wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most. She went through the pain of having to have our baby removed from her alone. That’s something that I’ll never be able to make up for.
I didn’t know, but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have been there. I knew that something was wrong. That something had happened. Two weeks I let her suffer alone when I should have gotten my ass in gear and went to her.
“Fuck. Si. Man, I’m sorry.” His voice is gravelly, he feels this hard just as I do.
“Me too. She’s here, and I’m not letting her go.” Not again. Never again.
“Good, you two have gone through a lot. It’s time for you to be happy.” I hear chatter in the background, “I’ve got to go, I’ll check in soon. Send Payton my love.”
“Will do. When you return home, make sure you do so with Saya.” I tell him as I head back inside the house.
He chuckles, “I fully intend to.”
We say our goodbyes, and when I enter the sitting room, I’m glad to see that Payton’s no longer crying and that she and Dahlia are outside on our back porch. My girl has a smile on her face, something made her smile, and I’m so grateful for whatever it was. I know she hasn’t had a lot to smile about recently.
I move outside and wrap my arms around Payton, I have the need to constantly touch her, to show her that she’s not alone. “You okay, baby?”
She leans back into my body, and her body relaxes, “Yeah, I’m okay. I hate talking about it, but I feel bad. Dahlia’s worried about me.”
“She’s not the only one,” I murmur. I’ve been worried about her a lot lately.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “Sometimes, I just get stuck in my head.”
I know; I’ve known that she does that for a long time. It’s her coping mechanism. It’s something that we have to work through.
“Do you think the pain will go away?” Her voice is soft, but it’s haunting as hell. “I hate feeling like I’m drowning, that I’m broken.”
My hands tighten around her waist, “It’s going to fade.” I murmur against her ear, “You're not broken, baby, just fractured. I’m going to help piece you back together.”
Doesn’t she know that I’d do anything to help her? That I’d move mountains if it meant she wouldn’t hurt?
“Thank you for sticking with me. The years we’ve spent apart have been due to my insecurities, I truly believed that you cheated on me, had I given you a chance to explain what I witnessed, we’d have been together. Instead, I pushed you away and lost so much time with together. I’m so sorry,” she whispers, pain lacing her voice.
I’m glad that she realizes that she shouldn’t have pushed me away.
“You should know by now, you’re stuck with me forever.” I’m not letting her go. There’s no more running, no more distance. She’s my forever girl.
“You have no complaints from me. Wherever you are, is where I want to be,” she tells me, and I swear I fall deeper for her. “I love you, Silas.”