Page 83 of My Tiny Giant
“Mad? Well, I should be.” Devastating fear and worry crushed my chest. Anger seemed easier to bear, only whom would I be angry with? If only getting mad at something would change things. “Were you planning to tell me about this...suicide mission? Or were you going to just take off on your own?”
“Of course I was going to tell you. I wouldn’t leave without talking to you. And it’s hardly a suicide, Eleven. I’m fully intending to return to you. I won’t be entirely on my own, either. A Ravil warrior is coming with me all the way to the bottom to help me take care of the fescods guarding the Mind if needed.” He squeezed my hand tightly again. “I have to do this, Emma. It may be the only chance to end this whole thing. I never thought I’d live long enough to see this war end. Now, I could end it myself, in less than a day.”
As much as it crushed me, I understood. I was a soldier, too. I’d lost battles and experienced the frustration of defeat. Except that the wars I’d fought didn’t happen in my homeland. My family, my way of life, my country had not been in danger. During a mission, I risked my own life, nothing more.
Yet I always had the same goal when charging into a battle—to win.
Agan’s entire life had been one continuous battle. And he had just gotten the chance to reach his goal—to win it, once and for all.
If I were in his place, I wouldn’t pass on this chance, either. Since he was the one in danger, however, I couldn’t accept it.
“I’m coming with you.” I straightened my spine.
“No.” His voice was firm and unyielding.
“You’re not doing this without me, Agan. You’ll need help.”
“I’ll have help. As I said, someone will be coming in the capsule with me. They’ll then bring me back after I’m done.”
Meanwhile, I’d be waiting for him on the surface, losing my mind, while he’d be risking his life deep undersea. And if something happened to him down there, I might never even know...
I bit my lip, hard, focusing on the physical pain to stop myself from breaking down.
“Bringing you back is my job, Agan. That’s what I do.”
A wide, warm smile spread on his face. “Yes it is, my giant woman. And you’ve been wonderful at bringing me home to safety. This time, however,” he winked, with a teasing spark in his eye. “I’ll have someone without breasts or cleavage to do it for me.”
I couldn’t fathom having someone else to watch over him. No one could possibly be good enough to trust them with Agan’s life. Nobody cared as much about him as I did. They just couldn’t.
“Agan, I will officially request to accompany you, and I believe the generals will listen to me on this one.” His eyebrows furrowed, and I hurried to get the words out before he could stop me. “You see, I’m much smaller than any of your Ravil warriors.” Never in a million years would I have considered my petite size an advantage before. For the first time in my life, I was actually glad I’d never made it past five feet in height. “I can accompany you farther than any other soldier currently in the force of either Army. I’ll take you deep inside that shell.”
“No.” He shook his head vehemently. “It’d be way too dangerous.”
“So, it’s okay for you to endanger your life? But not for me?” I huffed.
“Exactly,” he admitted infuriatingly calmly.
“We’re a team, Agan, remember? How would you feel if I were the one diving to the deadly depths of the Abyss? Would you be able to remain calm in Voran? Wondering if you’d ever get to see me again, alive?”
“No.” He frowned, his composure wavered. “I’d never let you. I’d lose my mind.”
“Why are you okay with doing this to me, then?”
“Because I can’t function if you’re in danger!” he snapped, jumping off the chair.
I slid out of my seat and sank to my knees to be closer to his eye level as he paced the room.
“I won’t go all the way,” I pleaded. I knew I wouldn’t fit through all the openings in the shell to reach the Mind with him. “But please let me come with you instead of another soldier. Please let me be the closest to you, the first one to get to you when you’re coming back.”
Because he needed to come back. And I needed to be there to make sure it happened.
“Please. I have to be there to know that we both will make it.”
Or that neither of us would.
Suddenly I realized there was one more reason why I wouldn’t want to be left behind—I didn’t want to keep on living in a world that would no longer have Agan in it.