Page 152 of The Finish Line
He nods, and I glance over at her, still on edge from how close things got mere minutes ago. No matter how well it worked out, I’ll never truly be comfortable with her in harm’s way.
“Dom told you about Antoine,” I say, turning to face him.
“A long, long fucking time ago. Still looking out for you, even from the grave.” He shakes his head. “Only Dom.”
The truth of that sets in.
“It’s the one good thing that came from our time in France.”
I don’t bother to hide my surprise.
“Yeah, man, of course we looked into him while we were there. We’ve had your back the whole time. Always. And would have had it well before that, had you not been so fucking tight-lipped about him. When you sent us away, we tracked him down from the information Dom had gathered over the years. Together, we learned the entirety of his operation, in and fucking out, and it wasn’t hard to figure out you taught them everything you knew.”
“Almost everything.”
He nods. “Keep them confused, right? We worked out early on, through a faint text trail, that you already had Palo in your pocket, but we wanted backup, so we sent a few of our unmarked guys into his ranks over time. We have a lot more birds in his army than you can imagine. Question is, why didn’t you do it?”
“I didn’t want men capable of doing Antoine’s dirty work working for me. They’re a different breed. But I see now it was a mistake and a necessary evil. And I’ve made mistakes, Sean. Lots of them.”
“I wish you would have asked for help.”
“I didn’t want you to know. He’s—”
“He was only a worthy adversary because you made him one.”
“I regret it every day.”
“You don’t have to anymore. We own him,” he says, fishing a cigarette out of his jeans before striking his Zippo. He clicks it closed with the flick of his wrist before exhaling a steady stream of smoke. Another long silence ensues, and I turn his way to see him staring at me intently. “The worst day of our lives was the day we broke your heart.”
The words strike deep and take away my ability to speak as we face off, eye to eye, for the first time since the night that tore us apart.
“If you thought we left willingly, that we would leave her willingly for the cause, you were fucking wrong. Of course, we cared, and we didn’t want to lose it, but we left—” he exhales another drag as my chest tightens unbearably—“we left willingly and gave her up temporarily because of the sacrifices you made for us, Tobias. For the years you spent doing everything for us, risking your life, for us, because that’s the type of man you taught us to be.” His voice shakes as he speaks, his eyes darting down at the gravel between us. “And we started missing your love and loyalty the minute we lost it.” He exhales a plume of smoke and lifts watery eyes back to mine. “The second worst day of our lives was the day you broke our hearts—” he clears his throat and cups the back of his neck as the burn in my own throat intensifies. “Motherfucker.” He shakes his head as my heart cracks dead center, and I feel the years of separation between us, the longing I felt to get us back with no idea of how.
“But that very same day you broke our hearts, you showed us what true love looks like, and you gained it by sacrificing everything, including us, and our cause, for her.” He glances toward Cecelia and then back to me. “Something we both failed to do. And in turn, you earned her, and you do deserve her for it.” He swallows audibly. “When you tried to defend yourself, we knew you were right, but we were cut so deep we didn’t want to fucking hear it. Because losing her completely was a good enough reason to resent you, and our hands weren’t as dirty if you were equally as guilty.”
He blows out a harsh breath. “But we knew you were right, and I think, deep down, we both knew we were on borrowed time with her. And fuck, how I hated you for it.” He exhales again, his shoulders rolling forward. “Dom realized it that night because he caught on a lot faster like he always did. He understood. I didn’t fucking want to. But he always saw things clearly for what they were, even if it hurt. It took me a lot longer to sort it out. And Tessa, that woman, she went through hell showing me where I went wrong, but you deserve to know you’ve had my forgiveness for a lot longer than you think.”
I stand on the verge of eruption, the burn in my throat far too much as my eyes begin to sting.
“But the truth is now...” Sean admits hoarsely, his teary eyes lifting to mine, “I just want my fucking brother back.”
In a flash, I cup the back of his neck and press our foreheads together.
A pained gasp leaves us both as he grips my shoulders, the pressure unbearable until I release it, my emotions taking over as I swallow continually and try to speak. Sean grips my shoulders as we stand there for endless seconds.
“Always brothers,” I whisper through a shaky breath as we clutch each other tightly, mending the bridge that’s separated us for years. Several seconds pass as we collectively choke on our emotions.
“We all got too fucking good at keeping secrets, even from each other,” I admit tightly. “I’m sorry, brother.”
He shakes his head, and we separate, wiping years of pain away.
“We all made horrible mistakes, Tobias, but just look at where we are now, and it’s largely because of you. Take some fucking credit and let those mistakes fall to the wayside. It’s time to forgive yourself.” He sighs, running a hand over his face, his eyes shimmering again, his voice a plea, “But you’ve got to let him go. He wouldn’t want you condemning yourself like this. We all deserve to see how the rest of this plays out, especially you. You’ve got to let him go, man.”
I can barely manage my reply. “I’m trying.”
“Try harder.” He grips my shoulder and squeezes as I nod several times. “We need you.”
When he releases me, I glance over to see Cecelia frozen in the middle of the yard, staring at the two of us. I lift my chin to her to let her know we’re good, and she starts to make her way toward us.