Page 27 of Sentinel's Kiss
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Sentinel rode his Harley to the children’s hospital at two in the morning, like he did most night. He was feeling satisfied and happy with the world that Ashley and her sexy mouth had rocked. And he was going to spend the next few days doing two things that were guaranteed to give him the most pleasure: fucking Ashley in every position imaginable and getting closer to ending that fuck Stan’s life.
Stopping by the nurses’ station, he let the on-duty nurse know that he’d be out for the next week.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Josh,” she said. “But I’m glad you’re taking some time for yourself.”
He smiled at her and went back to change into scrubs. When Sarah was alive, she had told him that he needed to do skin-to-skin contact with the babies. But he found out later she was busting his balls and charging admission. He had wondered why so many nurses walked by while he was rocking the AIDS babies that night without his shirt on. That was a long time ago and he was much wiser. That wasn’t to say that after his shifts he hadn’t indulged in a few trysts with some willing nurses in the staff lounge. Nowadays he kept his shirt and pants on and concentrated on the little ones who needed human contact.
Some days he sang them nursery rhymes and other days he talked to Sarah while he rocked them. This time of night, he generally had the place to himself. And even though he was miles away from Sarah’s hospital in Pennsylvania, he felt closest to her here.
All Sarah had ever wanted to be was a mother. She had been obsessed with babies, so it surprised no one when she became an obstetrician. As much as he hated Stan, Sentinel grudgingly admitted that he had at least put her through med school and supported her until she had a practice of her own.
“What went wrong?” he cooed at the baby.
What made Stan throw the first punch? Sentinel couldn’t imagine lifting his hand to a woman he loved. He racked his brain for an example. His mind lingered on Ashley, but that was just sex. Even so, he couldn’t picture punching her, no matter how mad or frustrated he got. Warden? Sure. Evil? Sure. Ryder? No, he valued his life a little more than that. But blowing off steam with guys his size or bigger, that he understood. Anyone who could do that to someone weaker or smaller, Sentinel just didn’t have any respect for, and he would love to show them how it felt when the tables were turned.
“I’m going to kill him.”
“Josh, don’t!” Sarah had wrapped her arms around his chest.
He actually dragged her a few feet before coming to a stop. “Why not?”
“You don’t understand the pressure he’s under.” She had sobbed.
“Sarah, people shoot at me every day and I don’t know if I’m going to drive over a land mine. That’s fucking pressure. You supporting his dumb ass while he tries to find a job is not pressure.”
“He didn’t mean it.”
“Yeah, honey. He did. Just like Dad did.”
Sarah had slapped him then. They stared at each other in shock.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Why did she stay?” he asked the now-sleeping baby in his arms.
It wasn’t as if she had been trapped. They weren’t minors anymore. Sentinel might have been halfway across the world, but Jules or Ryder would have let her stay with them. Ryder would’ve gone to get her, bringing the rest of the SOBs and packing enough heat to start a war.
“She didn’t have to die,” he whispered, and sat down in the rocking chair because he didn’t want to pace around the room with such delicate cargo in his hands.
Sarah had loved seeing him cuddle the babies. Had told him he would make a great uncle. Sentinel was still so torn up with grief and guilt, he didn’t know what to do. He should have beaten Stan to a pulp when he found out he had hit Sarah. He should have demanded that she leave him when she became pregnant.
He shook his head. Short of him knocking her out and hauling her over his shoulder, Sarah wouldn’t have left her home. It was hers and she was going to make the best of it. Sentinel did admire her for that, even if her stubbornness got her killed.
Letting his eyes drift shut, Sentinel calmed his body as he rocked the little baby. Sarah said he needed something like this to connect him to the human race. She was afraid that he had lost his soul and his conscience. Sentinel wasn’t sure about that; he left that sort of thing to the philosophers. But he had to admit, after seeing how awful people were to one another, that sitting a few hours every night with a helpless baby in his arms did ground him and make him feel more human.
It wouldn’t save Stan’s life, but at least Sarah would be avenged.