Page 42 of Vesper Martinis
And it’s better to ask him now because I’m not sure I can survive without knowing. Each time we’ve interacted with each other has made me hope too much. I’m starting to think that this can work, and if I go any further and Pierce breaks it off, I don’t know what it’ll do to me, but it can’t be good.
“Pierce, I—”
“I got a job offer,” Pierce interrupts.
“You got a what now?” I ask, turning over and propping my head on my hand.
Pierce gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom.
“Let’s take a shower and then order dinner. I’ll explain then.”
With that, Pierce heads into the bathroom, and I hear the shower running, so I join him. I notice the way he’s gone distant. Something inside him has shifted, and he doesn't want to tell me now. I mean, what needs to be said during dinner?
“You okay?” I ask as I exit from the shower and start putting on my clothes.
“Yeah, totally,” he says, coming over to me, kissing me on my cheek, and running his hand up and down my arm.
His tone doesn’t suggest that he’s okay, but he said he’ll explain, so I just need to be patient.
We order takeout from the restaurant I told Pierce about after our dinner out. It was the one I preferred.
“Thanks,” Pierce gets the food from the delivery guy and brings it to the table where I’d placed the forks and plates. The food is hot and smells good, but my mind is focused on Pierce and what he’s going to say.
He said that he got a job offer, but I have no idea what it is or what it means.
Is he moving? Is this like a last hurrah before I never see him again? I take a few calming breaths, and that helps. A bit.
We eat in silence. I can see in Pierces’ eyes that he’s preparing to say something. So I wait. As much as it’s killing me, I know how easily he can shut me out, and I don’t want him to do that. Not when he’s just now opening up to me.
“My parents divorced after the messiest decade ever,” he says. “They cheated on each other. They were both a mess. I tried dating in college, but after being dumped by someone who basically listed all the ways I’m not relationship material, I decided I’d never date again.” Pierce chuckles. “I guess I believed her. She also blamed herself for part of it, but having a list made up and told that you’re emotionally unavailable and shit does something to you.”
My stomach tightens because this feels like the beginning of a breakup. Technically, there’s nothing to break up since we aren’t together, but it still feels the same. He’s explaining why he’s like this and why it’s him and not me. Next, he’ll probably tell me about all the times we had fun. Then he’ll say we can still be friends. Or maybe not, since Pierce likes a firm break.
I start wringing the napkin in my hands, and I want to stop him. I don’t think I can take this.
“Pierce—” I start to say, but he interrupts me.
“The whole point of me telling you this is so you’ll understand.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re breaking up with me. I get it. I mean, we weren’t really a couple, I know, but—”
“What?” Pierce’s brows furrow. “No, I’m not breaking up with you. I just wanted to tell you my story. All of it so you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Why I did what I did. I was going to tell you I want more of this.”
My brows shoot up. “You what?”
That hope blooms again in my stomach as I toss the napkin onto the table.
Pierce locks his fingers together and places them on the table.
“What I was trying to say is that I’ve had a shitty experience with love, and that’s why I was so determined not to get into anything like that with anyone. But then I met you, and it all started to change. I tried to deny it, but you just… won me over. Your friendship with Minnie. How you talked to my mom. The way I just feel around you. All of it. It makes me want to take this chance. That job offer? It’s for a managerial job at another bar. That way, we can try for real. No hiding. No secrets.”
He reaches over and covers my hand with his.
“I’d like to tell my mom you’re my boyfriend, not my employee.”
“Fuck, is there something in my eye?” Tears well up as I feel the last of my self-preservation walls tumble. I lean over the table, cup Pierce’s head in my hand, and kiss him. He kisses me back with the same need and passion.
When we get up from the table, we don’t break the contact. We just somehow manage to get ourselves onto the living room couch, the food long forgotten.