Page 50 of First Ritual
“I hope you decide against a transfer for what it’s worth.”
Considering she was one of the eleven council members who’d voted for me to join the coven, I’d assumed so. I could tell Delta wanted to feel out my strengths and weaknesses, but after Corentin’s attack… “Do you mind if we continue this conversation another time? I’d like to recenter.”
Approval glinted in her light-blue eyes. “The meditation mats are behind you.”
I shook my head. “I’ll go to my rooms. Not used to a crowd.”
“Do whatever you need to. If you need help with that reaction, let me know. I’m a battle-divination mix. I’m your person for divination training as it applies to battle.”
Nothing against her, but werewolves would fly before I accepted her help.
“For the record,” she said, grimacing. “What Corentin did, that’s our initiation for when new magus come to the learning center. Sorry it didn’t go down well, but also,” she lowered her voice, “no one has ever evaded his attack. We’d thought his cloaking ability undetectable.”
That made me feel better. Also stupid because I’d lost control over an initiation joke.
Leaving her, I ignored the wide-eyed looks on my way to the exit. I couldn’t ignore the half-naked Wild in athletic shorts blocking my path. He hadn’t broken his stare this entire time, and I’d gotten past my wariness. Now I just felt pissed off.
I pressed my hand against his chest when he didn’t move, shoving. “Not in the mood, Wild. Move.”
He shuddered at my touch. “Queen.”
I jerked my head up. “Say what?”
Wild’s eyes rounded. “W-what?”
“Don’t what me. You called me queen.”
“No.”
I snorted. “You did.”
“I—” He cut off. “That wasn’t what I meant to say.”
Uh-huh. My lips curved. “As your queen, I command you to get the fuck out my way.”
The words had the opposite effect. A low purr emanated from him.
“My queen,” he growled. Wild straightened suddenly, his eyes rounding again. Red tinged his lower jaw.
Was someone pranking him? The words were popping out of his mouth as if he had no control. He was so embarrassed. Ha!
“Yes, your queen. Everyone’s queen. Don’t forget it, minion. I say jump, and you say, ‘How high, Queen Corentine.’”
My hand was still on his chest. Oops. I strode past, leaving a red-faced Wild behind.
In the tunnels, my encounter with Corentin came slamming back.
In my room again, I closed the door and thumped my head against the iron and wood. My eyes squeezed shut.
You’re out of control.
Corentin had been right.
Could a person be attacked by a supernatural who killed their family and not lose control in those situations? If so, I hadn’t yet found a way.
Inhaling deeply, I imagined an alternative situation where a supernatural creature had attacked me in an alleyway. There, my overreaction would have been the perfect reaction. There, a loss of control might have saved my life.
Confidence in my response. Lack of hesitation. They were two things that might have saved my family. The shame I felt daily for the way I’d been incapacitated and rendered useless in that fight would always fill my heart. I shouldn’t be alive. They, the ones who’d fought, should have lived.