Page 37 of Silver & Gold

“Raider, I don’t think—”

Raider yanked the door open. “I don’t want to think. That’s the point. I don’t want you to think either.”

“It’s not that fucking simple!”

“Yes, Seth, it really is.”

CHAPTER 14

NONE OF THIS WAS SIMPLE, regardless of what Raider chose to think.

Control wasn’t easy for Seth. He was always struggling for it. He was always afraid of losing it. Especially with Raider. The way he wanted Raider …

It was too much, too intense. He wanted to dominate and possess him. He wanted to mark him. With his teeth. With his cum.

But that was all instinct. That was all selfish. Seth couldn’t give into it, not right now, because he did have to think.

Raider was not okay, regardless of what he tried to insist upon. His nightmares were horrific. His mood was all over the place. His eyes kept unfocusing.

They were unfocused right now.

Seth knew it was irritating Raider that he kept checking on him, but this time Raider didn’t even seem to notice. His face was turned in the direction of the belly dancer performing in the center of the dining hall, but his expression was blank.

Earlier today, after an hour of fruitless searching following Raider’s departure from the library, Seth had asked Julian to have Adavasti find him. Adavasti had found Raider in the stable. That had left Seth feeling two distinct things. One, like an idiot because he should have guessed that. Raider loved horses. And two, fucking relieved because Raider had sought out something good, something that would help him calm down.

Raider could have gone the other direction, yielding to anger and turning destructive. Most people would have. Seth probably would have. But not Raider.

When Raider had walked out of the stable and found Seth waiting for him in the shade of a palm tree, he’d stopped dead. He’d drawn in a visible, shaky breath. Then he’d walked over to Seth.

I’m sorry, he’d said when Seth grabbed him into a hard embrace.

Seth was sorry too, because whatever Raider had needed, Seth hadn’t been able to give it to him. Was it sex? Maybe. Partly. But Seth was really damn sure it wasn’t that simple.

But at least Raider had let Seth hold onto him. At least Raider had held on too. And when Seth had said, Please stay with me, Raider had promised, I will.

Raider had kept his promise. He’d stayed with Seth, had answered the empress’s dinner summons with Seth. So here they were.

Several rows of long tables ringed out from the open center of the dining hall, where the single dancer was performing. She was living, moving artwork in her flowing skirts, clinking bangles, and flashing belly chains, interweaving her dance with the pipes and drums and sitars. She was as sinuous as smoke, as beautiful as a goddess, and as physically gifted as any warrior.

The dance was exactly the kind of thing Raider usually enjoyed. But he wasn’t reacting to it at all. He’d barely eaten any of the exquisite food, hadn’t even touched the wine.

Seth leaned over to him and said quietly, “We’re leaving.”

Awareness gathered in Raider’s eyes. He glanced past Seth to Julian. Seth followed his gaze. The young arcanist looked positively mesmerized by the dance.

“He’s fine,” Seth said.

Raider’s eyes shifted to the raised alcove at the end of the dining hall. Red silk curtains, secured at each side, made the alcove look like a sort of stage. There, alone, the empress sat behind a low table cluttered with golden tureens, platters, and pitchers.

The Head of the Hammer, Nasrin, stood to the side of the alcove steps in her sculpted leather breastplate and skirt of leather strips. Her gold filigree armor overlaid the practical leather. With her spear butt grounded, she watched the room impassively.

When Seth stood up, he watched the alcove from the corner of his eye, but there was no reaction to his rising. He reached down a hand.

“Let’s go.”

Raider ignored the offered hand, but he did get up.

Seth led the way past the rows of tables crowded with well-dressed courtiers and guests. More of the Hammer stood about the hall, as distinct in their leather and gold as the cluster of black-robed arcanists near the empress’s alcove. No one tried to stop them as they walked through the wide doorway.