Page 52 of Silver & Gold
Raider had understood then why Zarina tolerated the street rat in her father’s bed. He had understood why she felt free to be friends with him.
They had ridden horses together, had danced and played music. Once, with Zarina disguised as a fisherwoman, Raider had shown her parts of Kastari that an empress’s daughter would never have otherwise seen. Gods, how they’d laughed.
But they couldn’t be friends now. Not after Raider had killed her father.
He didn’t say that. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t move from his crouched position between two square teeth of the crenellation.
Zarina came to stand beside him and gazed down into the training yard. Her fingers rested on the wall.
She said, “You never looked at my father like you look at Seth.”
Raider swallowed hard. “I did … love him though.”
“I think you believed that. But I think you were too young and too anxious of him. I didn’t see it at the time, but … I’m older now. It looks different to me now than it did then.”
“I wasn’t anxious of him. He was a good man.”
“Certainly better than his twin brother.” Zarina looked at Raider. “But you were always waiting for him to tire of you and throw you out, and I think you were torn between hoping that he wouldn’t—and hoping that he would. You were a caged bird here.”
Raider said nothing.
Zarina gazed down into the training yard again. Her expression softened, becoming that of a woman instead of an empress. She rocked forward as though drawn, her belly bumping against the parapet wall.
Something eased in Raider as he watched her watching Nasrin. He said, “You love her.”
Zarina hissed in a breath. Fear flitted through her eyes. “I’m too unguarded with you. I always was.”
“You’re afraid. Why?”
“Oh, Shashem, you have no idea how dangerous it is to sit on the Golden Throne.”
“How can you say that? To me?”
“You were a single chess piece in a long and complicated game. Do you think Kahzir was alone? No would-be usurper ever is. Do you think no one wishes to see me removed? And now, as I’ve had no choice but to take action against my uncle, every man who cannot bear the thought of a woman ruling the Gold will come crawling out of the shadows. Such men are still in this court. I’ve found a few, but I know there are more.”
“Did you know, all along, where Kahzir was?”
“No, and I didn’t go looking. I was content to let a sleeping tiger remain asleep.” Her nostrils flared. “Prince Rahim has made that impossible.”
“Ah. Did he not return to Aqarat?”
“He did. With a contingent of the Hand to help with the very large corpse you left outside his gates.”
Raider couldn’t help but smile. “I would imagine it’s getting a bit ripe by now.”
Zarina’s dark eyes danced with amusement. “I would imagine so.”
“But you think Rahim would move against you?”
“I think he would join others against me, yes.”
Raider felt bad for her. Maybe he shouldn’t, given the circumstances, but he would never want to be trapped in her position. It weighed him down even to imagine it.
He wished, just for a moment, that he could toss a fisherwoman’s gown over her head and hear her laugh as she had that day.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
She didn’t ask what for? She didn’t say anything at all for a while. Then, “I always knew who was truly responsible for my father’s death, but I did feel betrayed by you for a long time. There were moments I hated you, though less because you killed my father and more because I had thought you my friend.”