Page 38 of The Veteran

She snuggled closer. “Like I said, you’re a good person. I know that in my heart.”

“But how can you?” I protested, unreasonably annoyed by her attitude. “You don’t know what I’ve done in the past.”

She placed her hands over mine and stroked rhythmic circles on my skin. “So, tell me.”

“What if you can’t stand the sight of me afterward?” I didn’t know how I’d handle that.

“Then I’ll stay right here, in your arms, with my eyes shut, and it won’t be a problem because I won’t be able to see you anyway.”

“Don’t be flippant,” I snapped.

“I’m not.” She was frustratingly calm despite my outburst. “No matter what I say, it won’t ease your mind, but it seems like you need to unburden yourself, and I’m here to listen. It’s up to you what, or how much, you want to share.”

I mulled over her words, still holding her close, as though she might slip away if I loosened my grip. “Okay.” Here goes. “You remember how I told you that I did one year of college and then joined the military?”

“Yes.”

“Well, the military wasn’t exactly my choice.” I waited to feel her tense or for her to roll over so we were facing each other, but she stayed put, perhaps sensing that was what I needed. “I made a mistake, and that was the best option left to me.”

“What mistake did you make?” Her voice was quiet. Accepting. We’d see how long that lasted.

“One of my college friends was a girl called Charlotte. She was a friendly, outgoing person, but in the second semester of our first year, something changed. She seemed sad all the time. I asked her what was wrong, but she just brushed me off. I was worried about her, so a friend and I decided to check in each day to make sure she was all right. One day, I visited her dorm room and…” My lungs grew tight. I tried to haul in air. In my arms, Sage wriggled around until I could see the concern in her warm brown eyes. She kissed my cheek but didn’t say anything, and finally, I was able to continue. “She was just lying there, on the bed.” My voice cracked. “She’d overdosed on prescription meds.”

“Oh, Kade. I’m so sorry.”

I tucked her head beneath my chin and cradled her against my body, greedy for the comfort she provided. “They reckoned she’d been there for a couple of days. My friend was supposed to have been checking on her that week, but he’d been distracted with a new girlfriend and had forgotten. It was awful.”

I’d never get the image out of my head. At first, I’d thought my eyes were deceiving me, but then the horrible truth had sunk in.

“She left a letter,” I continued, my voice hoarse. “It explained that she’d been raped by another student. He was from a filthy rich family. When she told him she’d go to the police, he said no one would believe her. He’d really gotten inside her head. She couldn’t live with what had happened and truly thought that nobody would be on her side.” I gritted my teeth, my jaw painfully stiff. “I was furious. With her, for not realizing that I would have believed her. With my friend, for not being there like he was supposed to. But most of all, with the monster who thought he’d gotten away with it.”

Sage pressed a chaste kiss to my chest, and it sent a flicker of warmth through me, disrupting the despair and grief that descended whenever I thought of Charlotte.

“I found the guy who did it and beat the crap out of him,” I confessed. “It was like something took over my body and I couldn’t stop. All of this pain and anger just exploded out of me and I took it all out on him.”

When I temporarily fell silent, Sage prompted me. “What happened next?”

I bit my lip while I got my emotions under control. No matter how many years had passed, I’d never forget how I felt that day. “I made it very clear to my friend what I thought of him for being careless with Charlotte’s wellbeing. We haven’t talked since. The raping asshole didn’t press charges because that would mean the contents of Charlotte’s suicide letter might come out in court.”

“That’s good, right?”

“There are other ways to punish someone. His family were powerful and they threatened to wreck me unless I joined the military and left the country. They didn’t want me anywhere near their precious boy. My parents and Audrey were vulnerable, so I went along with it. In the end, it worked out well. The army suited me. But I hate that they were able to destroy a sweet girl who’d done nothing wrong and then bully me into submission without any consequences.” I’d loathed that I hadn’t been able to get that monster arrested for the rape since there had been no evidence remaining, and that I’d lost control of myself when I tracked him down. The entire situation had been sickening.

“So, this man is still out there?” Sage asked.

“No,” I said darkly. “When Ronan and I were in a position to do it, we found evidence that he’d assaulted other girls and worked behind the scenes with our contacts in the legal profession to help them build a case and have him convicted. He’s in prison, where he belongs.”

SAGE

I drew back so I could see Kade’s face. His dark eyes were awash with emotion, and I could tell he expected me to withdraw from him. He clearly held himself at least partially responsible for what had happened with Charlotte and for the ugliness of the aftermath. In a way, I understood much better now where his tendency to hold himself responsible for everything came from, and why he’d stepped in after we saw Getty outside that coffee shop what felt like weeks ago now. He didn’t trust anyone else to do what needed to be done. His friend had let him down in the past, and then Kade hadn’t reacted the way he thought he should have. This must be why he didn’t consider himself worthy of me.

I considered my next words carefully. He was poised to push me away and I didn’t want to give him any excuse to. “It must have been difficult for you. You were only young—your friend too—and I doubt either of you had any experience in dealing with that kind of thing.”

Kade grunted something that could have been agreement. “But he still should have checked on her. Hell, I should have checked on her. I shouldn’t have just given up any of the responsibility for making sure she was okay. I knew what my friend was like when he met a new girl, and I still let it happen.”

“Her death was tragic,” I said. “But it wasn’t your fault. She must have felt like she was backed into a corner. People make terrible mistakes when they think they have no way out.”

“I should have been there for her.” He sounded anguished. “I should have made her tell me what had happened.”