Page 53 of Finally Home
His eyes shoot to mine as I ramble and he snaps, taking three large strides across the room and hugging me so tightly, I feel my ribs creak in protest. Rho buries his nose in my hair and takes a deep breath, letting out a shaky sigh as he holds me to his chest. “You’re here,” he whispers. “You came home.”
I nod into his chest and inhale the scent of cypress and vetiver that always reminds me of him.
A big hand lands on my shoulder, and I glance up to find Aidan’s bright smile on me. “Welcome back, Wren.” He claps Rho on the back and smirks at him over my head. “I’ll text you later, but for now, I’ll get out of your hair.”
The front door bangs shut a few seconds later, but Rhodes and I stay locked in our embrace as we savor the moment.
I pull back first and take a few steps away to clear my head. Being around Rhodes Gray is overwhelming in all the best ways, but it also makes it hard to think rationally, and I owe him an apology.
“Rho… I’m so sorry.”
His eyes widen again, and he takes a step forward before he catches himself and leans on the island instead. He drops to his elbows and gives me his full attention. “You have no reason to apologize, Starling.”
“I do though.” Stepping forward, I grip the other side of the island with both hands, squeezing to distract myself from the dread that threatens to steal my words. “I got scared. Scared that once you saw that video you’d realize we didn’t think our relationship through, and I was scared of how that could impact our careers. I know now that something like that wouldn’t change things between us, but at the time I panicked and the only thing I could think to do was?—”
“Run.” He finishes for me, nodding like he already knew. “You didn’t trust me enough to stay, Wren. And yeah, I get why. Your mom left, which was unfair, and I’m sure the video brought up a lot of hard feelings. But instead of coming to me, you fell back on old habits and took off without a word.”
His words are true, but that doesn’t take away the sting from the disappointment in his tone. Growing up, I was always the good girl, the girl who never rocked the boat with anybody, even at the expense of myself. But I feel like the last six weeks all I’ve done is rock the boat, and I wonder if this time I’ve capsized it.
Rhodes runs a hand through his curly brown hair, tugging on the locks in frustration. “I can’t do this if you’re always going to have one foot out the door, Wren. I’ve been in love with you for my entire adult life, but that alone isn’t enough to make this work. I won’t give you an ultimatum, but if you need some time…” he sighs heavily. “We jumped into this really fast because I was so ready to be with you, but I let outside opinions sway me and never really considered if you were ready to be with me.”
A thick layer of despair settles over my soul at his words. “You… want to break up?”
He rounds the counter with wide eyes, cupping my face in his warm hands. “Baby, no,” he breathes, placing a soft kiss on my forehead.
Rho moves to hug me and his lips move against my skin as he speaks. “I would wait forever and a day for you, Starling. All I mean is if you need time alone to find yourself and heal after everything, I understand, and I’ll still be here when you’re ready.”
My immediate reaction is to refuse, but when I take a minute to really consider what he’s saying, he might be right. I wasn’t in love with Derrick, and I wasn’t happy, and that was a four-year marriage. I jumped right into this relationship with Rhodes less than a month after it ended.
“I think I need to find a new therapist now that I’m here,” I whisper, loving how safe I feel with his strong arms wrapped around me. “And I think maybe I should go stay with my dad for a while. Not forever, but just until I have a few sessions under my belt and feel ready to share more of myself with you. I hate the idea of not being with you all the time, but I hate the thought of hurting you even more.”
When I tilt my head up, Rhodes’s sad, hazel eyes stare back, but he doesn’t look upset. “Whatever you need, Starling.” His lips purse as he pulls a card from his pocket and steps back, putting some distance between us. “I don’t want to overstep, but I actually started seeing someone while you were gone, and I think you might really like her.”
My jaw nearly hits the floor and my stomach drops. What the hell does he mean he’s seeing someone?!
Rhodes must see the look on my face, and he visibly pales even as my cheeks heat. “Jesus, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant at all. I started seeing a psychologist. I had my first session with her while you were in Seattle, and I think she could be really good for you, too. But like I said, if I’m overstepping, tell me to fuck off.”
Relief crashes through me, and I have to grip the counter again for balance so I don’t fall to my knees. When he said he started seeing someone I almost vomited all over the kitchen floor.
Way to assume the worst, Wren. This is why you need therapy.
Taking the card, I glance down at it with a smile. “You know what’s funny?”
He starts to clean up the mess I made with my attempt at cooking, but glances at me from the corner of his eye with a questioning look.
“Benny actually recommended her to me back in college. Just after you were drafted, he pulled me aside and said I should call her if I ever needed to talk.” A small laugh escapes. “I’m pretty sure he’s sweet on her. The man was grinnin’ like a possum eating fire ants every time he said her name.”
He snorts and pauses his pan-scrubbing to glance back at me. “Why would a possum—you know what? Never mind. I could totally see them together. I’m pretty sure Doc isn’t married and neither is Benny. I wonder…” he trails off, absentmindedly washing the pan again.
“Anyhow,” I start, returning to my original train of thought. “I’ll give her a call, but I think you’re right. It never felt like we rushed in because we have so much history between us. And even if I wasn’t in love with Derrick anymore, it was still a marriage. I think I need time to grieve the change properly and sort through some of these complicated emotions before we go any further.”
I feel like I might cry, but I do my best to choke back the tears. “This isn’t goodbye, and it isn’t the end of us. This is me knowing you’re right and taking care of my mental health so I can be fair to you. I was in a one-sided relationship, and I’ll never do that to you, Rho. I respect you too much.”
Rhodes wipes his hands dry on a dishtowel and pulls me into his arms, holding me like I’m precious. “I’ll be here, baby. The moment you decide you’re ready. Just…” he trails off, clearing his throat. “Just please come back to me, okay?” Finn’s tiny nails clack against the floor as he pads into the kitchen and whines until Rho picks him up.
Rhodes smiles, squishing his face up against Finn’s, and I take my phone out to snap a picture. Snatching it out of my hands, he presses buttons until he can set the photo of him and Finnegan as my lock screen. He hands it back to me with a sad smile. “I love you, Starling, and I’m so damn proud to call you mine.”
CHAPTER 33