Page 82 of Any Kind of Life
“Nah. What’s the point?” Paige shoved her hands in the front pocket of her hoodie.
“The point of talking? Well, if you need to…there’s a huge point.” Hannah wiped her hands on a towel and gave her attention over to Paige. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I think I’m starting to piss Juliet off when it comes to her recovery now.”
Hannah laughed, stopping when Paige didn’t laugh with her. “Oh. You’re serious.”
“I love that she wants to do Edie’s party at the bar, but I don’t think she’s ready to go back there.”
“Don’t worry. As Caz said, we can have a backup plan.”
The thought of walking into the bar with Juliet was beginning to weigh heavy on Paige’s mind. She knew she wasn’t ready, so Juliet surely couldn’t be. “I don’t think I ever want to go in there again.”
Hannah stepped closer. “So, it’s you that is struggling with the bar, not Juliet?”
“I think she will struggle when she gets there. But I already know how I feel about it. She’s not listening to me, though. She thinks it’ll be fine, and life will just go on.”
“Maybe it will.” Hannah shrugged. “I guess you won’t know until you go there.”
“Yeah. Who knows?” Paige didn’t want to let Juliet down when the day did come for walking back into The Hideout. So for now, she would just have to figure it out herself.
Paige crept out of the bedroom, squinting at the light coming from the corner of the living room. Juliet sat on the couch, the TV played low, and it was a little after three in the morning. Juliet had fallen asleep within minutes of getting into bed earlier, so this had been the last thing Paige expected to see. They’d barely even managed to hold a sentence between one another.
She crossed the room, a hand dragged through her hair as Juliet looked back over her shoulder. “Sorry. Did I wake you up?”
“No. I just…woke up. Probably because I realised you weren’t in bed next to me.” Paige sunk down onto the couch next to Juliet, pulling Juliet against her. “Come here. Snuggle me.” Juliet immediately wrapped her arm around Paige’s waist, and then they both shifted until they were lying down. “Do you need to talk about anything?”
“No. I just want to sleep for one fucking night.” Juliet sighed, squeezing herself against Paige. “I’m so tired, Paige.”
“I know, babe. I don’t know how to help you with that. But when you do wake up in the middle of the night, please wake me up, too. I’d rather be out here with you.”
Juliet tilted her head up and looked at Paige. “What did I ever do to deserve someone as perfect as you?”
“We found one another because we’re perfect together. Don’t put all the praise on me.” Paige kissed Juliet’s forehead, lingering as she closed her eyes. “I need you to talk to me when you’re not sleeping, okay?”
“I don’t have anything to say. I just can’t sleep,” Juliet said, dipping her hand beneath Paige’s T-shirt and resting it on her stomach. “I just want something normal. I know the girls really helped tonight, but I need more normal.”
“Okay. What sort of normal do you want?” Paige stared up at the ceiling, enjoying the way Juliet gently grazed her nails against the skin of her stomach. “You want to head out somewhere this week? Maybe even a weekend away if you’re feeling up to it?”
“I don’t mean through the week, Paige. I mean right here, right now.”
Paige frowned as she looked down at Juliet. “It doesn’t get more normal than us lying on the couch with one another.”
“I…I miss you, Paige.” Juliet’s voice broke, concerning Paige more than she already was. She hated all of this. She just wanted Juliet to be okay. Physically, she was getting there, she was doing amazing, but when it came to her mental health, it wasn’t great.
“I’m right here with you.” Paige shifted down the couch further, coming face to face with Juliet. “And I always will be.”
“I miss the way you touch me. The way you anchor me. I miss who we used to be.”
Who they used to be? As far as Paige was concerned, they were exactly who they’d always been. A little battered and bruised, but nothing had changed for Paige. Nothing at all. “Babe, if you need something from me that I’m not doing right, you only have to tell me.”
Juliet stared back at Paige with tears in her eyes. “I love you, and I know you love me, but…do you think we’ll ever be intimate again?”
Whoa. Paige hadn’t expected that to be what Juliet said to her. “Us? Intimate?”
“Y-yes. We haven’t really been very close since everything happened.” Juliet closed her eyes, a single tear falling to Paige’s arm that rested under Juliet’s head. “I had so many hopes for when you came home. I couldn’t wait to reconnect with you after having to steal moments with one another. But then everything turned to shit, and I don’t know how you feel about intimacy anymore. We haven’t even come close to anything more than a slight kiss.”
God, that broke Paige’s heart. She never wanted Juliet to question their relationship. Not a single element of it. “Hey, I love you so much, and when you’re ready, I’m ready.” Paige kissed the tip of Juliet’s nose. “You’ve been through a hell of a lot lately, babe. I’m sorry if I’ve seemed distant. I just…don’t want to hurt you.”