Page 65 of Redemption

He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s funny, really. One night I was working at the club, and a guy introduced himself and handed me his card. He was working his way up at the LA office, and he wanted to recruit me. I went to interview, and I was offered the job.

“The pay, the opportunity, everything was amazing. Except the fact that it was in LA, and you were in New York.”

So, he had considered how this would impact our relationship. Maybe not. Either way, I needed to know. Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“You were about to graduate, and I knew you didn’t want to move back to LA. You’d made that…” He scoffed. “Very clear.”

He was right. I hadn’t wanted to move to LA. I still didn’t want to move to LA. New York and now London felt more “me.” And I craved the freedom that came with some space from my family. “But maybe if I’d known…”

“Sloan.” He shook his head. “That’s exactly what I was afraid of. And I didn’t want you to change your plans for the future because of me.”

I stood, unable to remain so close to him. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the truth, but I needed it all the same. “Why?” I whispered, wondering why he’d been so intent on pushing me away when he’d always been my future.

“Because I knew from the things you’d told me about your family that you loved them, but you also felt like they’d held you back at times.”

“I…” I swallowed. He’d gathered that from what I’d told him? I…I didn’t know what to say.

“And I knew if I asked you to go with me, and you’d said yes, that eventually, you’d come to resent me.”

In that moment, he sounded just like my brothers. Jackson had decided what he thought was best for me. He’d built up this entire narrative, and he’d convinced himself it was true, all without ever consulting me.

“You still should’ve given me the choice,” I said.

“What’s done is done.” He stood. “And it doesn’t really matter anymore. You’ve moved on.” I could hear the pain in his voice. The longing. I felt it too.

Being so close to him but not being able to be with him. Wanting him but being scared to take that next step. It was ripping me apart like the wind shredding a sail. I could either continue to fight our past or I could accept it. I could let it go.

“It’s over between Edward and me,” I admitted, wanting to release Jackson of any guilt he’d felt on that score.

“Since when?” Jackson’s gaze jerked to mine. “Because your file says…”

“I know what the file says, but it’s wrong.”

“It’s…” He furrowed his brow. “Wrong. Why are you telling me this?” He groaned. “I can’t…” He heaved in a breath. “As long as I’m your bodyguard, I can’t be with you.”

“Because it’s against the rules?” I asked.

“Because it compromises my ability to keep you safe.”

“But I only ever feel safe with you.”

His shoulders relaxed. “You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that. I’d give my life to protect you.”

I swallowed hard. “I know.”

His statement wasn’t something I took lightly—Jackson’s willingness to lay down his life to protect me. I could’ve brushed his comment off as something he’d do for any client, but I sensed it wasn’t because I was his client but because I was me.

Jackson had always made me feel safe. Made me feel like I could be who I was, not who everyone expected me to be.

I didn’t want him to ask for a replacement. I didn’t want him to leave, but I understood. I didn’t want him to risk his job for me. His life for me. And he didn’t want to jeopardize my safety.

But right now, I didn’t want to think about that. We were all alone. There was no one else here. No one threatening me. No one watching to make sure he was following the rules. It was just the two of us.

The two of us on this great big ocean. Yes, he’d hurt me once. But he’d also made me feel. He’d made me understand what it was to claim something for myself. To express my wants and my needs.

I wanted to feel that way again so badly. I wanted to feel that sense of empowerment and strength. I wanted to feel…alive, even if only for one night.

I peered up at him, placing my hand on his chest. It was shaking. I was shaking. With want, with fear…I wasn’t quite sure. “If you’re going to leave anyway, why can’t we have tonight?”