Page 29 of Silver Linings
Why the fuck did Gia need to be such a pain in his ass? Asking if they were going to sleep together. He wasn’t blind. Lily’s face had clearly fallen when he wanted to come back to his room alone. It wasn’t about her, though. It was about getting an update on Emma and being able to speak freely. There was fear in Lily’s eyes when he’d thrown his phone into the lawn that morning, and he never wanted to see that again.
He flopped from his desk chair onto his bed, closing his eyes. What a fucking day.
“Gunner?” The light tapping on his door pulled him from his dreamless sleep.
“Lily? What’s going on?” His wife of less than a day stood in the doorway in her pajamas and his eyes immediately focused on the way her hand was rubbing over her belly. “Shit. Is the baby coming?”
“No, she’s not.” It was then that he heard the emotion straining her voice. “I’m so sorry, Gunner. I just had a feeling, and I went to check on your mom. I think you need to go sit with her. It’s close.”
Gunner swallowed hard. She’d had such a great day, there was life back in her eyes. But he remembered how Lily had warned that there would be a surge near the end, and that things might come quickly after.
“But she ate food today. She was laughing.”
“She had a beautiful day. But she didn’t eat her food, she pushed it around her plate. And she still wasn’t drinking any fluids. She’s ready to go, Gunner, and it will be better if you’re there.”
“Fuck. Okay, I’ll go to her room.”
“I’m going to call the hospice nurse. They’ll need to be here to make sure she’s comfortable.”
“Of course. Thanks, Lil.”
His eyes felt gritty from being woken up in the middle of his sleep, but more than that, his legs felt like they were moving through concrete. How was he supposed to make it through this moment, where everything in the world would change?
Standing in the doorway of his mother’s room, he could already hear her ragged breaths. Some people called it the death rattle, and he’d heard it more times in his life than he’d ever wanted to admit. But hearing it come from his own mother ripped at his soul.
His sister sat wrapped in a blanket, near their mother’s feet.
“Gia?”
“I can’t sit in here, Gunner,” she said as she wiped her eyes. “I’ve said goodbye. I can’t listen to it happen.” His sister bent down and kissed their mom one last time. “I love you, Mommy. You did an amazing job. Go home now. Rest. I’ll be waiting for a great big hug from you when I get over to the other side one day.”
Fuck. Tears burned in his eyes. He hadn’t always been good, or kind, to his mom. He blamed her for a lot growing up, but he knew now that she was just doing her best. She was a great mom.
He sank into the chair next to her bed and thought over what he wanted to say to her while she was still there.
“Mom.” Gunner scooped her frail hand into his. “Thank you. Thank you for this beautiful life you gave to me. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better son. I’m sorry I was a stubborn kid who gave you too much grief when dad left. I wish you could stay. I wish you could see the type of husband I’m going to be to Lily. The type of father I’ll be to her baby. It’s all because of you, and everything you taught me. But I don’t want you to fight this, mom. I don’t want you to suffer or to be in pain. So if this is it, if this is your time, you go. Go to whatever adventure is waiting for you.” He brought her hand to his lip and pressed a kiss against her paper-thin skin. “I love you, Mom. I’ll just be here trying to make you proud until we meet again.”
A sniffle coming from the doorway pulled his thoughts away from his mom.
“Come here, Lil. She’d want you to say goodbye too.”
“I can’t. I didn’t mean to intrude, Gunner.”
“You’re family now. Please,” his voice broke, and he reached out for her. She was by his side in an instant, wrapping her arms around his head and gently pulling him against her belly. The baby rolled and an extra ache flashed in his heart. His mother was leaving just as this new life was coming into their family.
All too soon, her hands slipped away, releasing him from her hold. He watched as she walked up to his mom, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
“Thank you for the years of friendship, Jules. For loving me like your daughter all that time, and for giving your blessing so Gunner and I could get married. I know it’s not conventional, but I promise to always look out for him, and Gia, too. So don’t you worry. I’ve got things covered here. Say hi to Buddy for me when you get a chance.”
Buddy. How many years had it been since he thought about that goofy dog? Lily had loved him, begging his mom to let her take him for walks every night the first summer they got him. Damn, his heart clenched tighter.
“Oh, Lil.” Gunner folded his wife into his chest and held her as the tears cascaded down her face. They stayed like that until her tears dried. He sat in the chair, pulling her onto his lap where she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.
“Do you remember that time Jules took us to have a picnic at that park where all those geese were?”
“Yes,” he laughed, knowing exactly what Lily was about to say.
“One of my favorite memories of my entire childhood was how your mom sacrificed us to them. As soon as she saw those fluffy babies coming for us, she knew. And she ran so fast so that she wouldn’t get bit, but left us scrambling to get away.”