Page 46 of Silver Linings

“Fine. You can drag that chair in from your desk and sit outside the shower. I’m trusting you to be a complete gentleman and keep your eyes closed.”

“Scout’s honor,” he smiled as he held up his hand.

“Shouldn’t it be SEAL’s honor?”

“I don’t know. If it was, I have a feeling I’d definitely look.”

“Gunner…”

Holding his hands up by his face, he moved two steps back from her. “I’m just joking. I promise I won’t look at you. I just want to be there in case you need me.”

The warm water of the shower cascaded through her hair, over her shoulders, and down to her toes. Gunner was true to his word, and let her get undressed all on her own. She even checked multiple times that his eyes were still closed, and as far as she could tell, they were.

As much as she wanted the shower to bring some sort of comforting peace, she instead felt an overwhelming tidal wave of emotions slam into her. The weight of trying to be strong, of trying to push her worry from her stay in the hospital down all became too much. Her body didn’t feel like her own. Everything felt so distant and out of her control. Lily tried to remember that she was fine. Sage was thriving, so who cared if she had the scariest time over the last few days, wondering if she was even going to be around to watch her daughter grow up?

No. She was being dramatic. Lily bit the inside of her cheek so hard she tasted the metallic tang of blood. She could not fall apart. She wouldn’t. Not with Gunner sitting a mere three feet away from her with only a thin shower curtain between them. He had been a rock the whole time, and she could be too.

Lily let the water pour over her as she grabbed Gunner’s shampoo and worked it into her hair. His woodsy scent wrapped itself around her body. It made her feel safe, and that wasn’t what she needed. No, she needed the cold. She needed the bitter bite of loneliness to push the pain and fear and sadness away. Lily turned the knob as far in the cold direction as it would allow, and the icy sting of the frigid water tearing into her skin made her head feel more clear than it had since she gave birth to Sage.

The washcloth she’d grabbed after rinsing the shampoo from her hair fell to the ground and with it, Lily let out the sob that had been burning in her chest. She shoved her hands quickly over her mouth as she sank down the tiled wall. Her body shook while she tried her hardest to muffle the sound.

Gunner’s chair scraped across the floor, and she felt the shower curtain flutter from his movement, but didn’t have the courage to look up at him.

“Lily?” Concern filled his voice, but instead of answering him with words, more sobs broke free. Lily wrapped her arms around her legs, burying her head into the space between her chest and her arms. The curtain pulled open, and the frozen clarity from the water falling over her faded away. It made her want to curl into herself even further.

A fluffy towel wrapped around her body and when she finally looked up, Gunner was crouched next to her, running his hand up and down her back.

“Jesus, Lily. You’re freezing. Why did you do that to yourself?”

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know why. I’m fine. I shouldn’t be crying. I didn’t want to cry.”

“It’s been a hell of a week, Lil. Don’t apologize for feeling the weight of what you went through.”

“Thanks,” she sniffled.

“You ready to get out of here?”

She nodded. “If you just give me a second…Gunner!!”

Before she could stand on her own, Gunner swept her up into his arms and stood, walking them out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom.

“I’m going to bleed all over your bed.” Her face flamed with embarrassment as he set her down. “I had all my stuff set out in the bathroom.”

“I don’t give a fuck about my bed, Lil. I’ll get your stuff and help you get dressed.”

“You can’t see?—”

“Quit that right now. I’m not looking at your body to judge you. I just want to help.”

Gunner was in and out of the bathroom in five seconds, and true to his word, he helped her get dressed without taking his eyes off the ground.

His arms wrapped around her as he helped her sit in bed, with her back resting against the headboard. Lily closed her eyes, ready to sleep until Gia and Sage came home. The bed dipped next to her, and she felt Gunner tuck her against his chest.

“You don’t need to stay in here with me,” she whispered.

“Yes, I do.” His voice was rough with emotion and as her eyes opened, she was surprised to see how he was studying her face.

“I’m okay, Gunner. I’ll be okay.”