Page 76 of Silver Linings
Shoot. So much for getting the job first and setting up her own bank account before dumping the news on him.
“She shouldn’t have said anything to you.”
“Lily Kate, that is not the point. I thought you were going over there for girl time, not for a job interview.” Gunner patted the spot next to him on the couch and Lily plopped down next to him. “What is going on? Are you okay?”
“I just don’t feel right taking more from you, Gunner. You’ve already paid for so much. Everything I’ve needed for Sage, including her delivery and when I was sick after. The whole move here. I just sit back and contribute nothing.” Lily ran her sweaty hands up and down the fabric covering her legs. “Besides, one day when you finally find someone you want to be with, I’ll be out on my own and I won’t even have a bank account in my name or work experience here. I need to be smart and think about the future for Sage and myself. There’s no reason I can’t be providing for myself, and for her right now.”
“Lily,” Gunner growled. “I told you when we got married, you’ve given me the gift of a family I thought I would never get to have. I’m not walking away from you or Sage.”
“You say that now, Gunner, because there is no one else in your life. But one day, a beautiful woman will come strolling into town and you’ll realize that you’ve done enough for us. You’ll want to be with her. You’ll want to marry her and start a family of your own with her. I won’t stop you from that happiness, but I also don’t want to start from square one again. Having a job, having a bank account of my own makes me feel safe. I want to stop relying on you for everything.”
“There is so much wrong with what you just said.” Gunner set the now empty bottle down, hoisting Sage onto his shoulder for a sleepy burp before she drifted off into her milk coma. “I would never notice a new woman in town, because I meant the vows I said to you, Lil. I don’t want to make a family with anyone else, because I already have a beautiful family right here. You and Sage are exactly what I want.”
“But this isn’t a real marriage, Gunner.”
Sage let out a large burp and Gunner laughed, rising from the couch to put her down in her bassinet. She fussed for a second before giving in to her nap.
Lily stood from the sofa and walked over to look at her daughter. That’s when she felt Gunner’s hand slide to the small of her back and she melted into his chest.
“If you want to work, we can figure out daycare for Sprout. If you want to stay home with her and still have your own bank account, we can set that up. I don’t want you to think you owe me anything, though, Lily. You’re my wife. Sage is my daughter. I’m doing what any husband would do to take care of his family.”
Lily looked up into Gunner’s eyes. “But I’m not really your wife. Not fully.”
He pulled her closer and her heart nearly exploded as he pressed his lips to hers. Years of waiting, wondering, and pining after something she couldn’t have. Years of watching him from afar, years of making the wrong decision with men because she couldn’t have the one she wanted washed off of her soul. His kiss was warm, and she invited him to take more by opening to him as his tongue licked out across the seam of her lips.
It wasn’t just a kiss. It was a clear expression of all the pent up tension they’d been experiencing over the last few months. It was the closeness she craved and needed more than anything else in the world.
Tears burned in her eyes, and she let out a whimper. Just great. Now was not the time for her wonky emotions to overwhelm her, but there they were.
Gunner broke their kiss, looking a mix between scared and disappointed.
“Lily?”
“I’m so sorry.” The tears choked her voice. She wanted nothing more than to get back to kissing, but finally having him so close was clearly making her brain malfunction.
“It’s okay. I understand.” Gunner released his hold on her and walked out of their living room.
“No,” she cried, but he just kept walking. How could she have messed that up so badly?
She buried her face in her hands and cried, sinking down into the couch and wishing it would just swallow her whole. The sound of their apartment door opening startled her, and when she picked up her head, her heart shattered all over again at the sight of Gunner clearly getting ready to leave.
“Where are you going?” she asked through the tears.
“Out.”
“I want to explain. I wasn’t upset about the kiss, Gunner. I was just overwhelmed. I’ve been?—”
“It’s fine, Lily Kate. I shouldn’t have done that. We have boundaries and I crossed them.”
She saw the hurt in his eyes, the same eyes that wouldn’t look at her as he grabbed his keys from the hook by the door and took a step into the hallway.
“When are you coming home?” she called after him.
“I don’t know, Lil. Don’t wait up, okay?” and with that, Gunner shut the door behind him.
“Please, just come back,” she whispered.
Her skin felt tight, like her body was suddenly too small for all the emotions welling up inside her. Lily scooped Sage out of her bassinet and grabbed her diaper bag before leaving the apartment. Standing in the hallway, she didn’t have a clue where to go, but she knew she couldn’t be in that space without Gunner for one more minute.