Page 62 of Came the Closest
“Woah.” Indi braces herself on the foam surface of her paddleboard; feet shoulders width apart, knees bent, paddle held out straight in front of her. “Don’t. Breathe. Indi.”
“You should probably keep breathing, actually,” I advise unhelpfully. My knuckles are white from grasping the edge of the dock so hard, and Milo is plastered to me. If either of us moves, we will tip. “Just ride these waves out, and then slowly lower back down to your knees. Emphasis on slowly.”
Indi glares at me without turning her head. “Easy for you to say. You’re not about to cap—”
“Inni!” Milo shrieks.
It’s too late. Waves from a red Cobalt outside the no wake buoys outweigh Indi’s precarious balance, and she tips off the board with a short-lived scream. She’s connected to it by ankle strap and she’s a competent swimmer, but neither of those things console Milo.
“Annie!” He pulls the shoulder strap of my blue bikini, eyes wide with fear. “We gotta help her! Annie, hurry!”
“She’s going to be fine,” I say, gently prying his fingers from my suit. “See? All she has to do is climb back up onto her board. How about we cheer her on?” I reach for his hand, but he pulls it away, lower lip trembling. “Buddy, can you talk to me? What’s going on?”
Tears fill his eyes. “I don’t wanna fall in!”
“Sweetheart, we won’t fall in,” I assure him. It doesn’t help that Indi keeps sliding off because her paddleboard is slick, but staying calm will keep Milo calm. Hopefully. “Once Indi gets back on, we’ll just stay sitting, okay? We don’t have to stand today.”
He doesn’t even look at his sister before he starts crying so hard it tugs on my heart painfully. Careful not to teeter our board, I slip the paddle under the straps with my life jacket and reach for Milo. This is his first real meltdown this summer, and I’m absolutely clueless how to handle it, but comfort seems like the best option.
I’m wrong.
Milo shakes his head and pushes my hands away forcefully. His chin lowers into his life jacket and his tiny shoulders shake. The rejection isn’t personal, but I swallow my own tears. I glance at Indi, who’s finally remounted her board. Noting the helplessness in my expression, she shakes her hair out and paddles over to us.
“Hey,” she says, tone upbeat. “What happened, Mi?”
He doesn’t look at her. “You fell in!”
Amusement teases her mouth, but she tamps it down. “Oh, I did, but I’m fine. See?” She holds up one arm to wiggle her fingers, shifts the paddle to that hand, and shimmies her other fingers.. “All good. Actually, the water felt so good.” When he doesn’t acknowledge her words, she quiets her voice. “Milo. What have we talked about doing when we feel confused in here?”
He bristles when she taps his temple lightly, but he lifts teary blue eyes to hers and blubbers, “We try to say it anyway.”
“Exactly,” she says, nodding. “Can you try to tell me and Annie how you’re feeling? That’s the only way we can help you feel better.”
At first, he doesn’t respond. I’m worried he’s not going to, so I try to think of something to say. This is the hardest part of this arrangement—not knowing how to interact with him, not knowing how he behaves when something is bothering him. I want to be firm but gentle. To tell him it’s okay to feel sad or angry or hurt, but it’s not okay to take those feelings out on someone else.
I’m about to open my mouth when Milo finally speaks up.
“I don’t want to fall in!” Tears roll down his splotchy cheeks, and his tiny fingers curl around the plastic cord attached to my ankle. “I can’t swim! I don’t want the water to take me like it took Mommy!”
Bewildered, my gaze snaps to Indi. She mouths I’ll tell you later, and her calm nature eases my anxiety, but barely. I thought Kathleen died from sickness, but if it was the water…
Familiar feelings of inadequacy creep over me, flanked by the overwhelming desire to comfort this child. Two intense feelings on opposite sides of the spectrum. Ones that shouldn’t be able to coexist, and yet, here they are.
“Milo. Hey.” Indi brushes the pad of her thumb under his eyes. “The water can’t hurt you here, okay? That’s why you’ve got a life jacket on, and why me and Annie are with you. Do you want to put your toe in the water to start with?”
His shoulders have stilled, but he shakes his head in a vehement no.
Indi sighs, and I say the first thing that comes to mind. “I used to be a little scared of the water, too. I mean, the lake is huge compared to me!” I sweep one arm wide for emphasis, still holding the dock with my other. Milo blinks up at me with guarded interest. “When I was your age, I didn’t know how to swim on my own even though both of my older brothers did, so my dad brought me down to this dock. Do you want to know what he told me?”
Cautiously, Milo nods.
“He told me that the only power the water has over me is the power I give it.” If I were to close my eyes, I’d be Milo’s age again. Fear would be humming in my veins, Dad’s sandy brown hair would be glistening in the relentless June sun, and his calloused hand would be wrapped securely around mine. “If I can learn to respect it, he said, then I’ll learn how to swim.”
Wide, skeptical blue eyes search my face. “Did you?”
“Learn how to swim?”
He nods again.