Page 53 of Falling for Fury
I roll my eyes, but I suppose there is no harm in having a best friend’s opinion. I shoot off my idea to Rosie and continue organizing my trip home.
Trip home. The thought of going home to see my sister and my mother, who I love very much, still brings a nausea that unsettles me. Back to the house.
Christmas mornings.
Learning to drive.
Cooking as a family.
The house Dad died in. The house Mom grieved in.
The house holding memories of my mother’s screams, her tears, and her pain. I had to go back there. And pretend everything was fine.
I could do this. I had to do this. For Evie, and for Mom.
Addison
“To Addison!” Everyone cheers, and I throw the shot down my throat, feeling it burn the entire way.
Exams are done. My degree is over. I’M FREE.
I managed to nail my mock trial final and received magna cum laude for the graduating class, which has me riding a high like never before.
I did it. I actually did it. Sure, I could count my breakdowns and panic attacks over the exam week on two hands, but I still did it. Not only did I finish the degree, but I finished with great distinction. All the feelings have been plaguing me since I finished that final exam. Excitement, relief, dread. You typically sit the Bar in July, the time between now and then meant to be for preparation and knuckling down. Four hundred hours of pure hell for the longest final exam of your life. But… I don’t know. I can’t tell if it’s me not thinking I’ll succeed, or whether this is my heart telling me I don’t want it, that I don’t want to join that side of the corporate world, but I haven’t made any efforts to begin the prep or commit myself to sitting the exam. Then I’d need to start interviewing at the various law firms other law grads are clawing tooth and nail to get at, but the thought of sitting in a pencil skirt, my back ramrod straight, while I tell a wrinkly old man why I love his firm and why I will do anything for the opportunity to do grunt work, be shit on by the other partners, and be miserable until I am earning six figures, makes me want to bury myself in the ground for eternity and never come up for air.
But my friends don’t need to know that part. They just need to know I am completely ecstatic to finally be out from under the study stress. At least until I make a decision about the Bar. Stress that was made slightly easier by my daily care packages from my very own secret admirer. Although, not so secret, every care package had either something endearing to do with strawberries or something that is triple-X inappropriate. Every day this week, I had something special to make the study less draining. From a fresh coffee and bagel on the doorstep in the morning, a little heart drawn on the cup with notes, ‘let’s bagel down and hit the books’, one package had a bundle of a couple of books from my favorite author, along with a voucher to my a local spa—that note said, ‘self care is quite the page turner’. My personal favorite was the red velvet cupcake with strawberries on top and an at home espresso martini kit, the note reading, ‘A reminder of the taste I crave and an energy boost for when I finally get my hands on you.’ Despite his arrogance being presumptuous, that one sent flutters south and had my toes curling. He certainly is persistent, and I will lie if anyone asks, but a part of me is glad he hasn’t given up. I wonder how long he’ll keep going before he gets bored, whether he is doing this simply because I left him on his doorstep, or maybe he was serious about this, and maybe does miss me as much as he seems to.
But now, without the anxiety and stress about college, perhaps my moods will change for the better. Maybe I’ll actually give Noah the chance he seems so desperate for. Maybe I will finally have a long stint of feeling good? I don’t have an asshole boss anymore. In fact, I am strangely enjoying working for Lucas. Both the bar work and assisting in the business side. I haven’t spoken to anyone in my family for a while, a few texts in our group chat with Riley and Ava, but otherwise, I have kept my distance. And we shouldn’t be surprised neither of my parents have reached out. I quickly shove that feeling down and return my mind to my friends.
We are at Bozzelli’s, and Casey, Rosie, Lucas, and the new Front of House Manager, Stella, are slamming shots. I never thought I’d find work friends who feel like actual friends, but Stella and Lucas have been amazing, and so easy to get along with. Lucas, despite his efforts in the beginning, is very much a platonic friend. Me finding him attractive left as quickly as it came, Noah all but ruined that. We have become close in the month and a bit we have been working together, and I truly value his friendship. He does have a good heart; I just don’t think he lets anyone see it. He puts on his golden retriever act, but there is so much more depth to him.
Stella, she is a total badass. She takes zero shit and has mastered the role of being friends with her bartenders while ensuring they still fear her enough to work extremely hard. I mean, she sometimes still has me sweating from fear. She is older than me by a year, but we quickly hit it off. She reminds me of Rosie, but less extravagance, more of a silent murder-y vibe.
“We knew you could do it, Ads. We are so proud of you,” Casey says as she rubs my arm.
“So, what’s the plan? Do you know if you’ll sit the Bar? Surely you aren’t wasting your law degree on this place?” Rosie says with disgust in her tone. Lucas coughs under his breath, throwing a deadpan look at her face. “I mean no offense, Lucas.” She waves him off as the rest of us stifle our laugh.
“Ads, you know I really do appreciate you. I know the work I have been giving you isn’t… like typical stuff, but you have helped me so much. I am working out a position. Like a formal one. With a nice salary. I just have to talk to my acco—”
“Lucas, I don’t plan on going anywhere, at least not for a while. I love it here, really! I don’t know if I’ll sit the Bar. I know I wanted to finish the degree to show myself I could.” And prove to my parents, but again, we’ll leave that bit out. “I just don’t know if the legal life is really for me. I hated every one of my law firm jobs. Besides, how could I leave you and Stella?”
“Babe, please don’t hang around for me. This is where my life amounts, but you are destined for great things. Get out while you can. Let’s not think about the Bar exam right now, and instead think about the bar shots we have in front of us!” Stella, her warm mellifluous voice sweeps over me, and I smile deeply, feeling the warm and fuzzies from both the tequila and the friends surrounding me.
“Okay, why is everyone shitting on my bar? I will have you know we made New York Times top 50 bars in the city.”
“They are just getting a rise out of you. Ignore them.” I roll my eyes as Lucas straightens his spine.
“But seriously, I will give you something permanently, I promise. Just, please be patient with me. This whole being an adult running a business is new to me.”
I give Lucas a pat on the back. “Alright next round is on me. What are we drinking?”
I head for the bar, taking no notice of any patrons as I try my best to memorize the drinks order—Midori sour, espresso martini, pint of draught, whisky neat. I am sure you can guess the whisky is for Stella; I really can’t figure her out. My mind is so busy looping the order that I miss the group at the bar as I approach. Relaying the order to Felix, one of our bartenders, I get a tap on the shoulder. Turning to find Ethan, Lucas’s older brother. “Oh, Ethan, hi! It’s good to see you again!” I sound more enthusiastic than I planned. Ethan is older by five years, but he is cut straight out of a Men’s Health magazine. Tall, broody, a neatly trimmed beard, and a no-nonsense expression that is sexy and intimidating all at once. We’ve met a couple of times. He works on Wall Street and helps Lucas out on the side.
“Addison, nice to see you,” he says to me, but his gaze flicks behind me to the table I left. “What are you up to today?” His eyes dart between me, the drinks Felix is lining up on the bar, and my table again. What the hell is he looking at?
“I actually had my last exam today. I am officially done with law school! Me and some friends are celebrating.” I almost don’t know myself with the happiness and life bleeding from my tone. Ethan’s eyes snatch back to my table again. This guy must have some serious focus issues.
He seems frozen in time before he shakes his head and looks at me again.