Page 3 of Hiding from Hope
“Do I need a reason?”
“I was trying to be poetic. I mean a girl. You’ll find a girl, and you’ll fall in love and all that.” He rolls his eyes at me and I have to scoff. I don’t dignify his stupidity with a response. Instead, we settle back into the silence, leaning on the table and sipping our respective drinks, when my eyes find their way back to the girls on the dance floor.
Mulling over Noah’s words, I don’t know that a girl and falling in love are in the cards for me, not sure that I even want to consider being open to it again. But I can’t seem to take my eyes off Casey and wishing I could feel some of that. That brightness she has leaking from her. It must be nice to feel so warm all the time. The three of them dance, free and loose, like not a thing in the world matters other than that dance floor.
Casey
“Who’s the other guy with Noah and JJ?” Rosie shouts to Addison from our circle on the dancefloor, the music loud and lights low as we begin to slow our moves. The alcohol working its beautiful magic as it makes my skin feel light and my heart skip to the music.
“That’s Caleb. He works with Noah. Him, Matt, and Ethan went to college together.”
“Who’s Ethan?” I ask, and Addison points to someone standing with Lucas, who is Addy’s boss and also one of Noah’s friends. “Lucas’s older brother.”
“Ooo. He is delicious.” He really is. Like something out of a dirty romance novel. Tall, dark hair, and olive skin, many, many muscles. Much like Noah, I suppose, but he has a sophisticated seriousness about him, and of late, that was about enough to make me say, ‘take me home, have your way with me’. I thought about accosting Lucas at one point. He has the broody bad-boy vibe, a dangerous smile, paired perfectly with piercing eyes, that I can only describe as hazel-ice, and a smattering of tattoos across his arms, and I think his torso, based on the ink peeking from the collar of his shirt. But he was friend-zoned pretty quickly after Addy made introductions. Too boyish and too perplexing, and it seemed too messy.
Since things ended with my ex, I have been telling myself I am on a man-hiatus until the right one comes along because I am done with boys, or the wrong ones, anyway. Done getting involved with children who have no idea about life or how to handle emotions. Boys who are so stupid and immature. I want a man. Need a man. God, I hadn’t realized that I spent so much time with a boy until my first night out with Rosie after the breakup. Kieren? Kirnen? Something weird with a K, and he was tall, charming, and all it took was, “I bet you can’t lift me!” and before I knew it, I was manhandled into one of the best orgasms of my life.
I hadn’t known what it was like to be touched or desired by a real man until then, and now I can’t go back. Every time I drink with the girls, well, Little Casey takes over and starts making decisions for me.
“Well, he’s single,” Addison confirms, bringing me back to reality as she states Ethan’s dating status, only increasing the temptation. No, that is a bad idea. Noah’s friend? Probably not a wise choice.
I look at Rosie to gauge her opinion and find her staring off in the direction of JJ and Caleb again. I follow her eyes, and Caleb seems to be staring back. No, wait, are they in a staring competition?
“What is happening right now?”
“What do you mean?” she asks, her voice sultry, but she doesn’t pull her gaze away from where Caleb leans across the bar.
“Rosie, what are you doing?” Addison asks through a giggle.
“We’re doing the dance,” she mumbles, and Addison and I make eyes, trying to see if the other knows what she is talking about.
“What dance?” I ask.
“You know, the eye-fucking dance.”
“Elaborate,” Addison deadpans, and we both realize Rosie still hasn’t pulled her gaze from Caleb.
“Whoever breaks first loses the power in the situation. If I make the first move, he gets to pick when we leave, where we go, and how the sex goes. If he makes the first move, well then, the control is all mine, baby,” she says while twirling her hair and playing with the straw of her drink with her tongue, I assume only to add to Caleb’s torment. The poor sucker has restraint, I’ll give him that. The look of pure hunger in his eyes tells me she is close to winning this one, though.
“And let me guess, you never break first?” I ask through a laugh at Addison, and I shake our heads at her ridiculousness.
“Never.” She throws him a wink before she wipes an imaginary drop of her drink from her bottom lip with her thumb and sucking it into her mouth. Even from this distance, I can see him swallow, and I’m certain he just growled.
“Okay, well, I’ll leave you to it.” I dance my way over to that super nice bartender again for another drink as Addy leaves in the direction of Noah. When I get to the bar, the fight is over, and Rosie is victorious because that is Caleb sauntering his way over to her. I throw her a salute and mentally take notes. God, it must be easy to just ooze sex like that. Mature sexy men must just throw themselves at her.
Not me. I’ve been single for like nine months and I haven’t really been hit on once, save for Kieren/Kirnen. Maybe some nice comments here or there, but nothing like what Caleb and Rosie apparently have after one meeting. I know there isn’t much to me. I’m taller than Addison and Rosie, but my assets are nothing to brag about. I’m a Yoga and Pilates instructor, so my muscle is lean. I don’t have a big appetite, but maybe that is my almond mom more than anything else. I rarely require a bra, and I struggle to find jeans that shape to my ass, considering there isn’t much of it.
“Another drink?” Jessie’s deep, grumbly voice startles me from my bout of negative thoughts, and I shove them away. I have a scheduled time for them, and it isn’t tonight.
“Yes! I’ll order. They are super nice to me here.” I give him a smile and he seems to get angrier, if that’s even possible. “Are you always going to be grumpy? Or do you have, like, an expiration date on that? I’d much rather be your friend when you are done with the grump act.”
“Who said we’re friends?” Geez. I was only teasing, but he didn’t have to be so nasty. My heart breaks a little bit for him because I know what he used to be like, and I know he has only been this way since he had his heart broken. I can understand needing time to grieve a relationship, but this guy has used up all his points. He really just needs to move on. Maybe I’ll show him how it’s done–like, show him how I moved on… not, like, help him move on or anything.
Not that it never crossed my mind.
I mean, like way, way, way back.
When we were younger, before his ex, Jenny, screwed him up and before Connor stole four years of my life. He was my best friend’s hot older brother. Find me a girl who hasn’t lusted over her best friend’s hot older brother…I’ll wait.