Page 92 of Hiding from Hope
“Oh, thank god.” She sighs.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I feel the tightness in my chest release slightly at the small smile she pastes on her face.
“Well, you’re mad, but you’re not like ‘we’re breaking up’ kind of mad.”
“Fuck no.” Breaking up with Casey? I almost laugh at the absurdity.
“That’s good. Except if you’re going to make this work with her, you’re going to have to find a way to exist in the madness without running away. She is a fucking mess right now, Jessie. I’ve never seen her like this. She is our sunshine person, and right now, she is like one of those super stormy dark gray clouds of doom.” Her eyes grow wider and more sad as she explains. Pain and frustration pin me right in the chest. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to hurt her or make her feel pain. I just couldn’t explode and let it go right there. I was worried I’d do even more damage. But I can’t cut Casey out of my heart just like that, not even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. Casey is still very much mine. I just needed to breathe for a moment. I knew it was going to be our first fight, and I didn’t want to lose my cool and risk blowing up the best thing in my life.
“I had to run. I couldn’t explode right there in front of her. She doesn’t need to see that.” Addison nods. If anyone understands, it’s her. But it’s the way she smirks knowingly at me.
“You know what being with Noah has taught me? That the right people aren’t scared by our intensity, they just love us more because of it. Casey is the right person, Jessie, and I know you know that. Give her a chance to not be scared and to show you how you should have been loved. She’ll do it properly.” I know. I know all of this already. But it’s easier said than done.
“Oh, and do me a favor and stop fucking ignoring her, you jerk. I know she fucked up, but c’mon, don’t make her sweat like this.” She slaps my knee and stands.
“You know what she did for you today. You at least owe her a thank you text.”
“What did she do today?” That has me standing to match Addison’s pace to the door, my stomach dropping.
Addison spins on me, pinning me with an assessing look before shock and something else hit her face and she giggles.
“You fucking dick head, she ran your café for you because you bailed on your launch day!” She what?!
My mouth does something that mimics a fish out of water as I try to understand what Addison just said. “I… I—”
“April is basically a child, and you just left her in charge of your business on a major milestone day?! Are you that much of an idiot?” Her words are venomous, but light, as she smiles and laughs at my expense. I think on some level she knew I hadn’t thought it through, hadn’t been capable of thinking much through. I run a frustrated hand down my face, reprimanding myself for being such a colossal moron.
“I didn’t bail on the launch.” I sigh heavily, and she levels me with a knowing look. “Well, I didn’t completely bail. I was watching it from home.” I point to the laptop on my coffee table. Addison looks at it and shrugs her shoulders, finding me again.
“Well, she went looking for you about half an hour after you skipped out, according to Rosie. She only got back to the apartment after I left to come here.” My head snaps to the clock hanging near my fridge. Six hours. Casey went and worked in my fucking shop for six fucking hours?!
I really don’t deserve this woman.
I look back to Addison, and she is barely containing her laughter at my confusion and anger, the way the emotions are fighting each other.
“So you know,” she continues, “Rosie and I plan on getting Casey extremely drunk. She plans on wearing a tiny scrap of material us women call a dress. Those long legs will be on display, her tits will be pushed up to her eye sockets, and would you look at that,” she gestures out the window, “it’s snowing. She’ll be cold, might need a big, strong man to wrap her up and make sure she is warm.” She is doing nothing for my rage levels as she continues to taunt me, my fists balled by my sides. “I wonder if there will be enough men at Bozzelli’s to take one for the team and get Casey all warmed up.” She winks at me, opening my apartment door to leave.
“Rosie does the teasing better,” I throw at her before the door slams behind her. “And you keep those fuckers away until I get there!” I shout louder, to make sure she hears me.
“Don’t be late, then, or I’ll tell Rosie she is single and needs a rebound!” she shouts back.
Dammit.
Like fuck was I going to be late. I ripped my clothes off and headed to the shower. I really needed to blow off some steam and then go fix this shit with my woman.
Casey
“I really don’t want to be here tonight. Can’t we just spend it at home with movies and wine? That sounds like a much better birthday,” I complain to the girls as we wait to have our coats checked. It is literally snowing, days out from Christmas, and they’ve put me in this tiny blue dress. It has a modest neckline, but the back of it doesn’t exist, and like it wasn’t already short enough, one of the legs has a slit in it. The heels Rosie bought for me are a gorgeous pearly white. They shimmer like they have sparkles sprayed on them, with two giant tulle bows on the back. Really, my outfit just screams, ‘I’m the birthday girl’, without me even trying. I felt sexy leaving the apartment. Sad, but sexy.
Now I’m sad and cold. Freezing, in fact.
“You’ll be warmer with a few drinks and a pit stop on the dance floor,” Rosie assures me. She and Addison agreed to dress up similarly, While not as sparkly, they were still in tiny dresses, heels, hair and make-up done to the nines. We were meeting Stella inside, apparently, and I expect the guys will also be inside or on their way.
We never ended up meeting at Lucas’s first, the mess of my emotions meant it took every bit of cajoling and finesse for Rosie and Addison to pull me out of the shower, force me into this skimpy bit of clothing, wrangle my hair into something of a wave, and apply some mascara. They are lucky I let them drag me into that Uber. All I wanted to do was curl up with my Special Edition of Age of Innocence, watch The Notebook, and cry into the hoodie Jessie left in my room. The real gut punch was the quick sniff I took of it before we left–because yes, I’m pathetic–and in case you’re wondering, yes, it still smells like him, and yes, Rosie scolded me for being tragic and had to re-apply my mascara.
My heart beats a little faster at the memory of Jessie saying he would be here, but I have to shove that hopeful little sucker back down. There is no hope in hell Jessie is coming out to see me–the destroyer of worlds. I’m not above begging, though. I would beg for Jessie to be with the guys when they rocked up. I know he is probably done with me, God knows I don’t deserve his forgiveness, let alone his attention, but I want to apologize one more time, not just for the mistake, but for pulling him in only to drop his heart on its face.
I know he deserves better. I just want one more goodbye.