Page 23 of Commit

“Alright. Night.”

I close my eyes and feel him walk past me. Once I’m sure he’s gone, I open my eyes as Abbot shuts everything off.

He turns to look at me and rolls his eyes. “You are the worst person to watch a movie with.”

“It’s not like I do it on purpose.”

“I guess I shouldn’t complain, having a hot girl fall asleep on me isn’t much of a hardship.”

“I bet.” I stand up and stretch. Abbot’s eyes drop to the sliver of skin around my waist as my T-shirt rises.

“You need me to do anything?” I ask, glancing around the room.

“No, I’ve got it. I’ll meet you up there.”

I nod and leave him to it, jogging up the stairs and almost colliding with Hudson at the top.

“Whoa, careful.” He grabs my arms to stop me from falling back down the stairs, his grip tightening a fraction as I look up at him. His eyes drop to my lips for a second before he takes a step back. “Be careful, okay? Wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

He’s gone before I can close my mouth. Goosebumps erupt across my skin from where he touched me. When I look down, I expect to see his fingerprints scorched into my skin.

Hearing Abbot cough downstairs startles me, and I hurry down the hall to Abbot’s room. I go straight into the bathroom, where I take care of business, brush my teeth, and wash my face. I take off my track pants but leave my T-shirt on and climb under the blankets. I get comfortable and try to shut down my thoughts. I’ve lived in some pretty hostile environments, but I don’t remember ever feeling as on edge as I do now.

I don’t question why I feel relieved when Abbot walks into the room and closes the door behind him. I just do. I listen to him strip out of his clothes before he uses the bathroom. When he’s done, he climbs in beside me and wraps his arm around my waist, pressing a kiss on my shoulder.

Neither of us speaks. Eventually, Abbot’s breathing evens out, and his arm relaxes around me. I stare at nothing in the dark room and pray for guidance. I’ve been winging this thing we call life for the last seventeen years, and honestly, I suck at it.

I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, and I’m not sure I can handle falling flat on my face once more. Each hit I take lands a little bit harder, each stumble has me falling a little farther, and each mark leaves a deeper scar. I keep trying to do everything right, but somehow I keep getting it wrong. It’s like I’m destined to fail.

It takes forever to fall asleep, and when I do, it’s fitful and filled with weird dreams. When I wake up, I feel more tired than when I went to sleep. I turn and find Abbot gone, and the spot next to me cool, so I know he’s been up for a while. It gives me a second to lie here and sort out my thoughts.

I don’t want to examine my odd reaction to Hudson. Sticking my head in the sand and pretending he doesn’t exist feels far more appealing. But I know I need to deal with it so I don’t turn into a simpering idiot around the man all the time.

I blow out a deep, steadying breath and pull apart my reactions to him. I’m ashamed to admit, even to myself, that I know some of my reactions are due to my attraction to him. That in itself is shocking because I’m usually so wrapped up in my own little bubble that I don’t notice people, let alone become attracted to them. There’s comfort in putting a barrier between myself and the rest of the world. If I don’t let people in, they can’t hurt me. It might sound childish, but it’s something I learned the hard way.

Hudson smashing through my defenses within a minute of meeting him shows just how intense the man is. Of course, the fact that I’m sleeping with his son takes a messed-up situation and fucks it up even further. Abbot’s hatred for his father is palpable, and I can’t say I don’t understand why he feels the way he does.

The man walked out the door and left them behind. Even if he did it for all the right reasons, he still left a scar. Scars might fade over time, but they never truly disappear. Abbot has a lot of unresolved issues with Hudson, but because of Hudson’s absence, he’s never been given the chance to deal with them. Now he’s right here in front of him, and Abbot can’t escape him. On top of that, he just lost his mom—the one parent who did stick around—yet, in her own way, caused more damage.

I blow out a frustrated breath and roll over. Living here with Hudson will either help mend the rift or turn it into a chasm. Me standing in the middle is like handing a lit match to a stick of dynamite.

If I show any kind of positive reaction to Hudson, Abbot will make me pay for it. He won’t hurt me, and I wish I could stop reminding myself of that. But that doesn’t mean he won’t make his feelings known in a million other ways. Like fucking me on his dad’s bed to remind me who I belong to.

I snort and sit up at that thought. We might be fucking, but I’m not Abbot’s any more than he’s mine. That’s not the kind of relationship we have. Hell, I don’t know how to describe what Abbot and I have—beyond strange codependency and providing each other with a safe space.

While I continue to work through everything, I walk into the bathroom and use the facilities before taking a quick shower. My attraction to Hudson aside, there’s something else about the man that makes me freeze like a deer in the headlights.

Fear.

I’ve known my fair share of dangerous men. All of them had an air of menace to them. It’s like their bodies couldn’t contain all that anger and hatred, so it started to seep out, allowing those around them to feel it in the room.

Hudson has the same air of menace as the others. But unlike the others, he’s found a way to control the violence inside him and keep it contained. As much as that should be a comfort, it’s not because I can only imagine the damage he could cause when he lets it break free.

I shiver at the thought and quickly dry off before stealing some of Abbot’s clothes. Using the other room as a dressing room is fine, as long as I remember to leave some clothes in here too. I use the towel to squeeze the excess water from my hair and pull it up into a messy bun before heading downstairs to find Abbot.

Sorting through my thoughts and feelings helped clear my head a little, but it didn’t offer any solutions to my problems. All I can do for now is try to avoid Hudson. Eventually, everything will settle down. He and Abbot will figure their shit out, and hopefully, I’ll develop some kind of resistance to the man.

I walk into the kitchen, and despite the smell of bacon, I find it empty. Shrugging, I head to the fridge and grab a bottle of water. I close the door and shriek like a movie star in a B-rated horror film.