Page 86 of Commit
His hands move to cup my face before he kisses me, softly. He’s coaxing rather than claiming, and I find myself responding to him despite my reservations.
When he feels the fight leave me, he pulls back. “Why did you tell Abbot without me here?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t. This did.” I hold my hand up so he can see my tattoo.
He closes his eyes and groans. “I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
I jolt at that, not expecting an apology at all. Shrugging, I look away. “We knew it would happen. You banked on it. He hates me now, so I guess that makes you happy.”
“I guess so,” he replies. “I really don’t want to hurt you, but I lose my mind around you. I can’t think straight. If you felt what I feel, you’d get it, but?—”
“I don’t,” I finish for him in a whisper.
“Maybe not now, but you will.”
“You don’t get it, Hudson. You see Abbot as your competition. I see him as my best friend. You ruined that. I love exactly one person, and you took him away.”
“Because I want to be the one you love,” he snaps.
“Then you shouldn’t have made me hate you.” I swallow and turn my head back, my eyes looking up into his. “I pressed this against my wrist,” I tell him, holding up the razor blade for him to take.
He curses, pulling me in again and holding me tighter as he takes the razor blade.
“I fought too hard for this life for you to come in and destroy it.”
“Okay.”
I look up and frown. “Okay, you’ll let me go?”
“Never,” he answers vehemently. “But I can show you all the reasons why you should stay.”
I want to scream and yell and pound my fists against his chest until I can’t anymore, but I know his answer won’t change. All I can do is change my expectations. He has the power to make my time here heaven or hell. I just need to swallow my pride and hold on until I hear back from the colleges.
“Alright, show me.”
He leans in to kiss me again, but I press my finger to his lips.
“Just give me a moment to catch my breath. I won’t leave, I just need a little space.”
“And then?”
“And then I won’t fight you anymore.”
I stand in the doorway of Abbot’s room, staring at the bed. It’s been two days since Hudson agreed to give me space. Two days of turbulent thoughts and self-reprimands.
And now here I am, staring at a bed that hasn’t been slept in for days, not feeling any stronger or wiser than I did before.
A growl from beside me makes me jump as Hudson wraps his hand around my arm and pulls me away.
“You thinking about?—”
“Don’t. Seriously, don’t say anything. I like you much better when you keep your mouth shut.” I yank my arm free and stomp downstairs.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
I whirl around as soon as I reach the bottom step. “It means every time you open your mouth, I want to kill you. I can’t be the only person you have that effect on.”
“I’m usually the one doing the killing,” he mutters.