Page 96 of Commit
She doesn’t answer. Even if she were still alive, she wouldn’t know. And now, lying here in the place where we scattered her ashes, I feel like I’m failing him too.
Things at school have gone from bad to worse. People have noticed his absence and, naturally, have blamed me for it. Snide comments in the hallway have turned into name-calling and even threats. I can’t claim innocence, though, because everyone’s right. It is my fault he’s gone.
“Hey. How was your day?”
I turn my head at the sound of Hudson’s voice and see him walking toward me as he loosens his tie. Damn, him in a suit is hot. I shake my head at the thought as he comes and lies down beside me.
“You’ll get your shirt dirty.”
“I don’t give a fuck. Are you doing okay? I’m sorry I haven’t been around much. There’s been a lot going on at work.”
“It’s okay. I’m a big girl. I’m just worried about Abbot.”
He sighs, but for once, he doesn’t sound angry.
“I’ll admit, I thought he’d be back by now. Might be worth calling his friends.”
“Most of them go to our school. With how much they’ve been bugging me about where he is, I don’t think they know.”
“Can you think of anyone else he’d go to?”
I think of the guy he was seeing and sigh. “Maybe. I don’t know him, so I’m not sure how to contact him. If Abbot wants to hide from me, that would be a good place to go.”
“You know what you need? A distraction. It’s supposed to be shitty tomorrow, so why don’t we go for a drive? We’ll put the top down, and I’ll even let you pick the music.”
I feel his hand beside mine and slip mine into his, and he goes deathly still. “I think that’s exactly what I need, thank you.”
I look up at him and wonder—not for the first time—if he’d introduced me to this guy first, maybe I would have considered staying.
Too late to know for sure now. I let go of his hand and get to my feet. I look down at my denim skirt, tank top, and flip-flops, and then at his suit. “Should I change?”
His eyes move up my bare legs before he sits up and drags his hand up the same path. He stops once he reaches the hem of my skirt and lifts it until it only just covers my underwear. He presses a kiss to the top of my thigh. Then he stands.
“No, I like you in this. I need to get changed, though. Why don’t you grab what you need, and I’ll meet you out front in five?”
I nod and step away, but he yanks me into his arms and kisses me dumb.
The last few days have been so different from what I’m used to with him. There’s been a lot of kissing and handholding. He’s been working late, so I’m usually in bed before he comes home, but I wake up in his arms each morning.
I don’t know when I stopped feeling like he was holding me prisoner and started feeling like he was keeping me safe. It snuck up on me out of nowhere and left me more confused than when he loses his temper.
Anger, I understand. But this… This is something else. Not even me and Abbot had this. It feels, dare I say it, effortless. But part of me can’t help but wonder if it’s a lie.
When he pulls away, he looks down at me with something in his eyes I can’t quite read. But it’s gone before I can dwell on it, so I leave him to get changed while I shove a few things into a tote bag. With no destination in mind, I throw in some snacks and a couple of bottles of water. And I add my birthday present from Hudson, the kindle I reluctantly unwrapped and squealed over. Not that I’d ever tell my husband that.
Nope. Still feels weird calling him that.
I pull my hair up into a ponytail and pull a ball cap on, knowing it will be a tangled mess otherwise.
“Shades,” I mumble to myself, trying to remember where I left them, then picturing them on the dash in Abbot’s car.
Letting out a sad sigh, I sit on the front steps. I put my bag near my feet, type out a message for Abbot, and send it.
I’m sorry. I love you. Please let me know you’re okay.
As much as I’d love to tell him the truth, I can’t. Not only will it pit him against Hudson, a man Abbot doesn’t stand a chance against if things get ugly, but he’ll also refuse to move on with his life. Then all of this would have been for nothing.
Maybe I should leave it alone. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have. My intentions might have been good, but aren’t they always? They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions…