Page 24 of A Pirate's Pleasure
“The doctor says she isn’t recovering, that it’ll only be a matter of time before the fever takes her, that she’s getting weaker by the day.”
Lief’s voice was firm, but I could see how much effort it was taking to keep it that way, his blue eyes swimming with unshed tears. I met Dax’s gaze over Lief’s bent head, my friend giving a nod and then slipping away to leave the two of us alone. I might not be good at emotional stuff, but Dax was even worse. He’d rather meet a problem with his fists any day of the week than talk about feelings. Fists wouldn’t cure Lief’s mother, though. If the doctor was right, nothing would. Which left nothing but Lief coming to terms with it.
“It’ll be fine, though,” Lief said, one tear escaping and running down his cheek before he dashed it away with the back of his hand. “I’m eighteen. I’m old enough to take care of myself. You’ve been on your own for years and you’re fine.
“You’re not me.”
A look of hurt settled on his face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Shit! The first words out of my mouth and I was already fucking it up. Perhaps I should have made Dax stay, after all. “Just that everyone’s different, and you don’t need to make excuses for the way you feel. You’re allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to feel like the world’s ending. You’re allowed to be angry that it’s not fair. There’s no right or wrong way to react.”
Lief dashed another tear away and looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. “Since when have you been so in touch with your feelings?”
I looked away, unable to keep holding his gaze. The honest answer would be I hadn’t been until recently. Until a whole host of new feelings had crept up on me when it came to Lief. We’d been firm friends for four years, ever since that fateful day when he’d taken it upon himself to rescue me from bullies. We’d laughed together. We’d wound each other up. We’d argued, and we’d made up. He’d helped me get a better handle on my magical abilities, and I’d been on my best behavior around his mother, so that even if she’d never quite reached the point of liking me, she’d learned to tolerate my presence in her son’s life.
We’d weathered the absences when I’d gone to sea, keen to learn everything I could about ships and how they sailed. Lief was my rock, and I was his. But somewhere along the way, he’d matured. One day I’d woken up to find he wasn’t a gangly teenager anymore; he was a man with the deep voice to match. Ever since that realization, I’d noticed more and more things about him. Things a friend shouldn’t notice, like the way his eyes changed color along with his mood, how muscled his arms were, and the way his smile made my heart skip a beat.
“Zeph?” he questioned when I remained silent.
“Let’s go somewhere,” I urged. “Only if you want to, that is? If you need to get home and back to your mum, I understand.”
“Where?”
“The Navarino,” I said with a smile. The Navarino was Dax’s dad’s ship. He might have retired from piracy, but the ship he used to captain remained in Glimmerfield’s dock while he decided what to do with it. It was an absolute waste if you asked me. A beautiful ship deserved to be sailed rather than just sit there. I’d sneaked on there before, but always with Dax, and always when Lief wasn’t around. Tonight, though, it was the perfect place. A place where no one would disturb us, where if Lief wanted to, he could give in to his grief and no one except me would be any the wiser.
As we stepped on board, the rigging hung still and silent, bathed in the soft, silvery glow of moonlight. To me, it was beautiful. To Lief it was… Well, I didn’t know. Not when I couldn’t read his mind. A tattered flag still adorned the ship, but it hung limp and lifeless, a symbol of the ship’s neglect.
We lay side by side on the deck, staring up at the starlit sky. Lief was quiet. Too quiet. “Lief?” He made a noise, half hiccup, half sniff in response. “Are you crying?”
“No, I’m…” His voice was too thick for it to be anything but a lie.
“I could hold you if you like?” I cringed as the words left my mouth. What did I know about comforting people? Lief would say no and then things would be awkward between us.
“Please,” Lief said.
I rolled toward him, Lief rolling too, so we met in the middle. Once he was close, I enfolded him in my arms. We’d never hugged before, but it didn’t feel strange. It felt right and made me wonder why we’d never done it before. The front of my shirt grew damp as he cried silently. All I could do was squeeze him tight, rub a hand over his back, and mutter words meant to soothe. “You won’t be alone,” I said. “You’ve got me, and you’ve got Dax.”
“Dax only puts up with me because of you.”
I grimaced at the words of truth that were never discussed. Lief and Dax had little in common. If I hadn’t brought the two of them together, they’d probably never have said a single word to the other. “Okay… Well, you’ve got me, then.”
Lief gave a little hiccupping laugh. “Until you go off to sea for good.”
“I’ll come back. I’ll always come back.” For you.
“Will you?”
“Yeah. No one can stay at sea forever. They’d starve.”
Lief went quiet again. At least he’d stopped crying. I expected him to move away, but he didn’t. Seconds ticked by, a stillness settling over us that seemed charged with something I didn’t quite understand.
“Zeph?” His voice was throaty. Not from crying this time, but from something else.
“Yeah?”
And then he was leaning in and his lips were on mine. Just a chaste kiss. Nothing more than a press of lips that tasted of salt from the tears he’d shed. But it was still unmistakably and indisputably a kiss. He froze with his lips still close to mine. Not touching anymore, but close enough that I could still feel his breath. “I’m sorry, I don’t—”
I got in quickly before he could spoil the moment and make light of it. “Don’t be sorry. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.” And now Lief had made the first move, I could have kicked myself for not being brave enough, for waiting, for forcing him to do it.