Page 11 of Self Studies
More than my hunger. I’d made all my own decisions and watched them taken from me.
My newfound excitement slipped through my fingers, and the ghost of Damon’s will surrounded me. ‘Other mages are cruel. You need no one but me.’
“Weren't corsets invented to frick’n give women a figure?” The only woman of the bunch giggled. “Why wear one if you’re shaped like a skeleton?”
More laughter.
I balled my hands into fists and forced Damon out of my thoughts.
The woman draped herself across the Greek God’s shoulders. Just as sweaty as the men, her shapely arms wrapped around him before she motioned to me. I recognized the woman’s long red locks from my dorm room. Her high ponytail slipped across the man’s shoulders as she whispered something in his ear. She pulled out her phone and snapped a picture.
“Stay there, trash,” my roommate said loudly. “I’m sure someone buying the nasty you’re selling will come along and save your skanky ass. You’re not fooling anyone here.”
I took a few shallow breaths, and shame flushed my cheeks. I bent my knees, then leaned forward, untangling the corset. My earlier excitement vanished with the click of metal against metal. Damon’s warning about people hadn’t been wrong. I’d hoped after Sapphire-Eyes it had, but apparently, Damon had a few things right.
The Greek God looked angry. I flinched away from him and studied the stone floor.
These were my peers. According to my advisor, they were examples of how I was supposed to act. But all they'd done is make me feel bad. I didn’t want anyone to feel like this.
Maybe fitting in shouldn’t be my goal.
Without ceremony, I turned and left. The sun had vanished, taking its warmth with it. The refuge I’d found at the wall was too far for my already aching legs, anyway. As I exited the cafeteria, hungry, annoyed, and embarrassed, I pulled out the map. There was only one other place I could hope to find solitude. And if that didn’t work, nothing would.
* * *
“Oh, my,” the librarian said as I came in through a pair of large double doors. A small set of half-moon glasses dropped from her grip to bounce against her chest. The colorful strap holding them in place almost disappeared against the draping fabric. “This,” she gesturd to my skimpy outfit, “is not happening on my watch.”
Wisps of the librarian’s billowing blue and purple dress disappeared into the back room. A few seconds later, she reappeared. I held still as she pulled a massive dark blue hoodie over my head.
I froze, expecting something bad to happen, but the warm garment hung down to my knees. The soft inside reminded me of the velvet walls in my old apartment. A feeling of safety relaxed muscles I’d not realized I was holding tight.
Slowly, I stuck my arms through the holes and moved the wide hood over my head. I pulled the strings tight and peeked out of my cloth-lined cave. The cold stone walls and bright lights of the building softened.
The librarian's light blue-rimmed eyes sparkled with amusement. I dropped my gaze to study the floor and shuffled my feet.
The hoodie even smelled of books with a hint of masculine cologne. Unbidden tears sprung to my eyes. I’d never worn anything like this before. Damon had kept me dressed in as little as possible. He’d said many things about how special I was, how beautiful, and how vital my display of naked skin was. Today I realized I wasn’t special. Damon had wanted easy access to what belonged to him.
A sense of safety I’d never gotten from clothing before settled around me.
“Wonderful. You can call me Alice. That hoodie belongs to my husband. Once you get your uniform and a warm sweater of your own, you’ll return it.”
I nodded vigorously, not trusting my voice. My memories of Damon swirled. Unable to decide if I needed to cry or yell, I settled on hugging myself.
Alice ran her finger across the rim of the hood. Her smile faltered for a moment before she took a deep breath. “You’re having a rough start at the Institute.”
I didn’t answer. A knowing look crept into Alice's eyes, but she didn’t press me.
“Do you want a tour?” She asked.
Again, I shook my head.
She smiled at me and started listing off the library's rules. My spirits lifted. It was open twenty-four hours a day, though they kicked out students caught sleeping.
“Let me at least give you a general sense of how everything’s laid out before I release you to your explorations,” Alice added with a smile.
I lowered the hood and followed the willowy librarian to a balcony overlooking the entire room.
The three-story, well-lit space used to be a giant ballroom. Dusty chandeliers hung unused from the ceiling, and bits of ancient red and gold wallpaper dotted the grey walls. Black metal bookshelves lined the room’s edges and made a maze-like pattern in its center. A metal spiral staircase led up to a locked cage-like basket on the ceiling - the restricted section as Alice had already explained.