Page 65 of Self Studies

I gasped as pain and pleasure mixed.

“I didn’t give that to you,” Beryl said.

Saffron knocked Beryl’s hand away from my neck. “I did.”

Guilt burned in my stomach. “I should’ve told you….”

Beryl’s finger on my lips cut me off. “We had no agreement, my goddess. Though I didn’t peg Boy Scout as your type.”

I bristled. “Professor Garnet started it.”

A belly laugh exploded out of Beryl. “You sound like a kid on the playground.”

I flushed. As long as it turned him on, I didn’t care what I sounded like. I stuck one of my fingers in my mouth and squeezed my breast.

Beryl growled. “You owe me a story, Dot. But later, you look like you need more than talking right now.”

I turned to reach for Beryl, but Saffron placed a hand on each of my shoulders and pushed me back against the metal headboard – keeping us apart.

“This isn’t right,” Saffron said. My skin smoldered under his touch. “Magic’s steering your actions. It isn’t real.”

I grabbed Saffron’s wrist. “It is.” Tears blurred my vision. “Let me have this. Before I die, I just want to have this.”

Beryl froze partway through pushing Saffron off me. “Before you die?”

I clenched my fists. “I’m evil. My evil can’t be stopped. If the Institute doesn’t kill me, then I’m going to do it myself.”

The words echoed in the small room. My unshed tears spilled down the side of my face. I didn’t want to die, but I couldn’t live knowing my very nature was to hurt people...like...my mind shied away from the thought. Damon loved me. That’s all I wanted to remember.

“Aphy, no, don’t ever say that. It was a fear multiplier, a spell,” Saffron put his free hand over my fist, worming his thumb into my clenched fingers. “Whatever was going on in your mind wasn’t real.”

“Like how I’m feeling right now isn’t real?” I asked sarcastically.

Saffron closed his mouth.

Despite my biting remark, I wanted his words to be true.

“It wasn’t real?” I asked, turning to Beryl.

Beryl caressed my face with the back of his hand. “It wasn’t real. It was magic. You’re not evil because some kid is out to get you, and you had a bad trip. No one’s going to kill you. Especially not yourself.” Something sad passed over Beryl’s features. “I’m going to make sure you get out of here.”

My emotions banked again, flipping from suicide to hope. My magic screamed at me. I didn’t want to think anymore. I only wanted to feel.

“Please, Beryl.” Lust filled the two words.

I shifted my position, opening up my legs and running my hand down my body. Beryl’s sapphire rims glowed, and his gaze raked down my body, but he didn’t move.

“Beryl’s hesitating,” Saffron pointed out quietly. “I’ve made a good point.” He met my needy gaze. “What if we compromise? What if I teach you how to touch yourself so that you never need to rely on a partner again?”

Beryl barked out a laugh. “You? Teach a woman how to masturbate? Mercedes is the only woman in your harem, and I sincerely doubt you taught her anything.”

“At least the women in my harem are alive,” Saffron said coolly.

Beryl flexed, and he glared across the bed. “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.”

The air between them grew thick. As much as I wanted to know more about Beryl’s past, I didn’t want the two men in my life to fight.

I rolled and grabbed Beryl by his tie. The bulky mage flew towards me. Our lips barely connected before Saffron grabbed my waist and pulled me away, pressing my back flat onto the bed. I couldn’t hold in my delighted squeal at their manhandling. Right now, my greedy magic wanted them both.