Page 78 of Self Studies

I briefly squeezed my eyes shut. “Did I hurt Gabe? Or Beryl?”

Director Fleming eyed me. “No, did you do something to them as well?”

I tried to shake my head, to do anything, but my limp body didn’t move. All of this newfound confidence, and I still couldn’t even help myself.

I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

“No.” My breathing started to get shorter and faster. “Gabe and Beryl are the only students I saw before Doctor Roy, unless… Did I hurt someone in the medical wing?” My heart thundered in my chest.

Director Fleming rubbed her temple. “No, you did not. Do you know Anita Shostakovich or Gram White?”

I managed a slight head shake.

“Right,” Director Fleming said. She pulled her hand away from her temple. “This afternoon, the two of them broke into your dorm room and grew some of the stone around your bed,” she pinned me with a steely gaze. “Am I to believe you had nothing to do with that?”

For a brief moment, I wanted to puff out my chest. My runes worked!

My elation vanished, realizing what it meant. My magic hadn’t charged the runes. I’d forced others to do it for me. I’d taken away people’s free will.

“I’m evil.” The two words rang in the tense air.

Director Fleming let out a long breath and the MA agent holding me shifted uncomfortably.

“Breath, Aphrodite,” Doctor Roy’s words pulled me from the blankness inside my mind. He moved around his desk to kneel in front of me. “You’re not evil. You must stop blaming yourself for everything.” He shot Director Fleming a look. “You’re nineteen and desperate to feel safe.”

I started rocking, the truth behind his words making me uncomfortable.

Director Fleming shook her head. “Release her.”

My legs buckled as he did. Doctor Roy kept me from collapsing on the floor. He quickly stood and gave me space. I tried to clasp my numb hands in front of me, but my fingers mashed together.

The two MA agents flanked Director Fleming once more.

A watch ticked into the pregnant silence. I wanted to sink into the ground as every eye in the room stayed glued to me.

“Because of your history,” the Director said calmly. “I’m banning you from our mentor program. Anything that resembles a master-slave situation should be far from your mind.” She pointed at my wrists. “Those clasps will remain in place. They’ll discourage you from using your magic. I suggest you don’t even attempt it.”

My stomach sank, but I nodded in understanding.

The Director put her hands on her hips. “Despite your personality issues, your dorm will not be reassigned. Learning from and how to deal with others is why you’re here.” She let out a frustrated breath. “I cannot praise your dome. However, the ingenuity and problem-solving it represents are precisely what we’re looking for. I expect more of this, without the manipulation of free will of your peers, or the faculty.” She narrowed her eyes. “I will not have two of my staff bickering like children in my office again. Am I clear?”

I swallowed. “Yes, very clear.”

“Roy.” She snapped her gaze to him. “Figure out what’s going on in her mind and report. Aphrodite, look at me.” I looked up at the Director. “I trusted you. This institute exists to give people a second chance. Do you deserve your second chance?”

My heart stilled. Did I want it? Yes. But did I deserve it? I wished I could pull on my braid. I didn’t know how to answer.

Director Flemingfrowned but nodded as if my silence was the answer she wanted. Without another word, she turned, the MA officers with her, and glided out of the room. Slowly Doctor Roy walked to the door and closed it. Now broken, it inched open the moment he let go of the handle.

He poured a glass of water and set it next to me on the floor. “You deserve a second chance.”

Feeling slowly returned to my fingers. I absently rubbed the cold metal clasps sitting above my wrist bones, grateful they weren’t connected together. As they shifted, the metal needles facing my skin pricked into me, burning and itching. I stopped touching them, and the sensation stopped. Runes covered the metal surface. I recognized some symbols for healing, direction, and pain, but I’d never seen them put together quite like this before.

I shuddered and looked away. “If I’m evil, then I don’t.”

“Admitting that is a good sign you’re not evil.” Doctor Roy said. “You must stop focusing on this notion of good and evil. You’re not one or the other. Magic’s not one or the other.”

I met his eyes. Doctor Roy held my gaze until I nodded. His posture relaxed as he moved back to his laptop. “Now, apparently, you left out a lot of your afternoon.”