Page 23 of Catch and Cradle
She cuts herself off, a twinge of pain crossing her features. The sight makes me think of that night I bumped into her running out of the end of year party. If this week has shown me anything, it’s that that night changed far more between us than I thought.
I want to wipe all her hurt away. That same burning need to protect her roars to life somewhere deep in my chest.
“Actually, never mind,” she says after a moment. Her voice has gone flat and dull.
“Hope,” I say, my voice quiet too. I like the way her name feels on my lips, soft and sweet. “I know that I, um, wasn’t in the room when it happened, but I’ve heard...I mean, those things he said...”
Hope’s hands curl into fists. “Yeah, that’s what happens when you break up with your girlfriend in front of her entire lacrosse team and like thirty other random people. They talk about it.”
“I’m sorry I mentioned it,” I rush to add. “I promise nobody on the team is talking behind your back, unless it’s to call him an asshole, and if they even try gossiping or whatever, I’ll put a stop to it.”
She lets out a long, heavy breath. “I’m not mad that people are talking. I’m not mad at you for mentioning it. I’m just...I’m so fucking mad that...Fuck.”
She brings her fists to collide with the locker door behind her. The rattling sound echoes through the room.
“Sorry,” she says when the noise fades. “It just sucks to have somebody get in your head like that, you know?”
I know better than she realizes. I can still remember everything they said about me in freshman year.
“For what it’s worth, anyone who could say even half those things about you clearly doesn’t know you at all.”
I have my hands clasped tight in front of me. I wish I could walk over and hug her, squeeze her shoulder, even just give her a playful little punch on the arm—any one of the things I’d normally do to cheer a teammate up. I at least have enough sense left to realize this moment is far from normal, so I stay where I am.
“You’re one of the most passionate players I’ve ever seen. You’re dedicated, responsible, creative, smart, tough. You...I can only imagine that anybody you’re with would be lucky to date you.”
Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit.
I just blew past the road sign for ‘Friendly, Casual Support’ at full speed.
“Thank you, Becca.”
The way my name sounds coming out of her mouth has my digging me nails into the back of my hand. Even that’s barely enough to keep me from pinning her to the lockers and finding out if her lips taste as good as they look when she says it.
She smoothes her hands down her thighs and then takes a step forward. “I should probably get going.”
“Yeah. You should.”
I flinch at how harsh I sound, and her eyebrows crease with confusion. I just need her out of this locker room. Now. Before something we’ll both regret ends up happening.
“I mean, I should too,” I add in a more even tone. “We still have to get ready for the dinner.”
“Right. Yeah. The dinner. Okay, I’ll see you tonight.”
She heads out with whatever piece of clothing she came to get from her locker, bobbing along with that bounce in her step that always makes her look like she’s got some thrilling news to share with the world. I know it’s weird I don’t offer to go with her, seeing as we now know we only live a couple streets apart, but even a ten minute walk in broad daylight in the middle of the student neighbourhood seems like too much to handle with her right now.
And possibly ever.
The season hasn’t even officially started yet, and I already don’t know how I’m going to get through it.
6
Hope
“You guys, the sparkles are digging into my vagina!”
Paulina comes waddling down the stairs to join me and Jane in our living room as she tugs on the hem of the high-waisted, sequined red booty shorts she has on. She’s topped them with a UNS t-shirt that has her last name and lacrosse number printed on the back.
Jane and I are wearing matching outfits. It’s the team’s official ‘celebration ensemble.’ The end-of-training-camp dinner is the first time we’re busting them out this year.